Honest Lies

Watched the film Hormones again. It’s a little bit boring in parts, and then totally bitter-sweet in others, but mainly it’s cute and funny. It’s fun to watch~ There’s 4 separate story-lines (tied together with a movie they all at some point watch I suppose) and the one pictured is my favourite. Begins the classic boy has been friends with girl, realizes he likes her and he gets the courage to confess and ~happy ever after~. But this one is a little different. As in ordinary boy is friends with popular girl, falls for popular girl, gets courage to confess but she rejects him and he eventually accepts that and learns from it that love doesn’t work like in the movies/as he has idealized. It’s a little different and interesting for it, if not a little sad ;__;

I’ve been having a lazy week. After missing school on Monday I didn’t really get much better. I have a cold and anaemia, which combined have made me feel very weak. I missed more school on Thursday. And last night I also cancelled my music lesson in favour of chilling out and watching a movie (hormones :D). I am starting to feel better finally though! Still a little lightheaded, and weak but not as nauseous any more. I have an exam on Monday so I want to be well. I don’t want it to be like my Italian.

Had my second and third Italian tests on Wednesday. Barely revised and really had no idea what I was doing, and felt so ill (by this point my cold had developed and so I was sniffling throughout the whole test -_-) that I just put whatever without even caring. I’m done with that subject though! I am so glad Italian is over now. I don’t know why I did it? It started out me thinking it would be fun to do a language and could come in handy, then I grew to dislike it and I think I still stuck with it because I wanted to stick through to the end, which is weird seeing so I’ve had no trouble dropping things in the past. Randomly picking up things/starting things, getting really into them, then getting bored and dropping them is something I do well usually, actually.

Anyway, actual A level exam on Monday and I need to be able to concentrate. It’s a Maths exam, and I actually have a certain grade I need to get, and am not getting, in this subject. At the moment I am making way too many silly mistakes, even if my method is fine I end up messing up with my basic adding and subtracting. It’s a little ridiculous. You’d think after so many years of maths I’d be able to do mental arithmetic (it’s a non calculator paper D:) but no, I really can’t.

Also? It’s really hot right now. Summer has finally come. Which is good as it’s nice not being freezing cold all the time and walking to school in the sun is so much nicer than in the ice, snow, rain, wind and other wintery types. But ain’t so nice when you aren’t feeling well. It does make me feel slightly lethargic, more so than usual, too. Especially because it’s hard to sleep at night so end feeling really tired because of that. But with the power of ice cold coke, copious amounts of ice cream and an electric fan I think I am coping. ^^

Now, I actually do need to go and revise. Too much procrastinating today. Definitely…

Today I had my Italian listening test. It was kind of weird. I’ve never done an language at GCSE or A level so I didn’t know what to expect. It seems to do a listening test you get a laptop with headphones, and the CD with the test plays through the laptop whilst you still answer in a paper booklet. It was quite interesting. But typically mine was the CD that didn’t play, resulting in an awkward 5 minutes at the beginning waiting for someone to come fix it. Once the test finally began it was OK. Everything worked. The actual act of answering the questions was not amazing and I’m not expecting much from my results.

To be honest I didn’t really care.

I felt terrible this morning. Actually I’ve been feeling terrible since Friday. My anemia was showing signs of improvement, but by Friday I was dizzy, nauseous, had a headache, tired. The whole works. By about midnight Friday I could barely focus I was so dizzy and I honestly thought I was going to start throwing up. Did not feel nice at all. It didn’t improve of the weekend and when I woke up today it was much the same. I dragged myself in for the exam and just did whatever, not even caring (strangely I’d been worried about it over the weekend but when push came to shove I was feeling to crappy to actually care). I was so grateful when the exam was over. I called my mom and asked her if I could come home and she said yes. I did come home with plans to do some revision, spend the day usefully because I just felt a bit rubbish, I wasn’t dying or anything. I just couldn’t face being in school, all the noise and being around people.

However I ended up coming home, having some breakfast and then lying down on my sisters bed (it’s sunnier in her room :D)and pretty much not moving for almost 5 hours. I stared into space, read a lot and attempted to nap. I couldn’t really sleep because something kept waking me up ¬_¬ But lying down reading in the sun was so relaxing and for once my mind wasn’t in 10 places at once which was an amazing feeling.

(I’m also happy to say I finally finished two out of three books I’ve had ongoing! Lately I haven’t been able to concentrate so I rarely read. But I finished them! The magicians by Lev Grossman, which I love and is absolutely beautiful and I highly recommended it (seriously, read it!).And Grotesque by Natsuo kirino which may be one of the few books which squicked me slightly, and also had a really lame ending and was kind of just OK. Nothing amazing, but interesting in parts.)

After 4 and a half hours of reading and resting, unable to sleep, I just felt really bored. So I got up and went on the computer. Still did nothing productive and still lovely. Not to worry about anything, not to think of anything and just rest like that.

I don’t know why but it’s different than the weekend. On the weekend I always have to battle my conscience telling me I should be doing this and that, and it’s hard to relax. But taking a day off I don’t feel that guilt. There’s nothing I should be doing because I have made the decision myself not to do anything. Sort of like “I am ill and I am going to rest. Try and stop me” If that makes sense. I’ve done no work today, and I’ve not felt guilty for it. Well, I almost feel guilty but I won’t allow it. Today was my day off. To rest, read, sleep, and not worry about everything. I feel relaxed and happy now. I needed today.

Though must say, feel better emotionally but don’t feel much better physically. I can’t take any more time off though, and really being ill is so boring might as well go into school. ^^

P.S: New Layout! Yes, it is bright green. : )

So I’m back in school now. Three days over and done with, which already feels like forever. My anemia is playing up as expected. I go through each day feeling ill and lightheaded and other stuff (lets not go into tmi type details yes?). I tend to take my tablets without food, which makes side effects a little worse (my stomach hurts so bad) but prevents the side effects that I don’t want? ugh. either way it sucks. However this week I have some pretty convenient frees and only a few lessons each day, meaning I can go home and just relax for a bit between lessons which helps. It’s been a gentle transition back into school mode at least.

School is on my back for attendance though which is annoying me right now. We have a registration period in the morning at around 8:40 before school and then another in the afternoon at 1:10 and you have to go to both. Even when you have to free periods in the morning. I have taken to ignoring this rule and just coming into school for my lessons later in the day. I think it is pointless me getting ready and walking to school just to walk back because I’m free and thus I don’t need to be in school. and yeah you could argue I should stay in school to do work, but it’s a free period and if I want to be at home then I want to be at home gdi. But school is unhappy with this :/ I have two frees tomorrow morning. I am hoping my mom will allow me to be conveniently ill (it’s not entirely a lie after all). I would like an extra hours sleep and then maybe I will do some work, depending on what time I do get up. Yes, I’m lazy. What’s new?

As for school there’s only a few weeks left now D: Got a lot of work I should be doing but I’m not. My chemistry teacher is currently extremely angry with us for not having done our coursework, and that is slightly worrying me. I emailed it to her on Monday and she hasn’t sent it back. I have a feeling I’m going to get a lengthy response that can be summed up as “it’s all wrong.” Also have a lot of exams which I need to revise for. So much to do, so little energy.

I’ve become obsessed with Kdrama again too which is currently how I’m procrastinating from doing anything. Watching oh! my lady which is amazing and Siwon is beautiful (and hilarious). I’m also watching personal taste, which is kind of lame but has some rally funny moments. Both are ideal just to sit back and watch and relax with and laugh a little. Which is something I need.  I kind of want to watch Cinderella’s sister and Hi! my sweetheart too. Plus I really need to get round to watching Autumns concerto already.  Yes. these are my priorities right?

gah. between boybands and dramas and my own ridiculous over-thinking about stupid things I am hopelessly distracted from anything rn. :|