Honest Lies

Today I went to Liverpool! Had to visit the university I have applied to, and I wanted to see the city too. I didn’t want to be there on my first day of university at like 8:00am in the morning with no clue of where I was going and the stress of lectures to get to.

So.

The train ride to Liverpool was probably my worst train experience ever. And I’ve had some pretty shitty experiences. But this one. This train was a train FULL of chavs. Not just a small group of drunk women getting tipsy on champagne and doing a pub quiz as loudly as they can, not two guys getting drunk and constantly sneaking to the bathrooms to go smoke. Nope. The coach I was on was basically overrun with this huge group of Chavs being as obnoxious as they possibly could. The girls with their bleached blond hair and the boys with their giant crystal earrings, not just putting their feet on the seats but climbing on them, drinking (not just beer, oh no, we’re talking fucking vodka shots at 11:00am), talking loudly, shouting across to each other, singing (fucking singing). It was awful. I have never felt more uncomfortable and vulnerable on a train. I hoped they would get off at one of the earlier stops but no, they were there right until Liverpool Lime street. fml. This is over an hour I had to put up with this. I couldn’t help but think of Japanese trains and how quiet they are. One guy on the Shinkansen even left his seat (heading towards the bit in-between carriages) to go answer his phone. Also I realised just how lovely and spacious the bullet train is. British trains are far more cramped. It sucks.

I was tired and annoyed. I did not arrive at Liverpool in a good mood. What followed then was two hours of wandering around getting hopelessly lost in the quest to find the university. I without really intending to found the museums, The University of Liverpool, St Luke’s Church, Chinatown, and Liverpool Cathedral as well as got a good look at surrounding areas. I guess looking back it was nice to have a look around, but at the time it was exhausting and my feet hurt and I was tired, so tired and annoyed and I felt so helpless because I didn’t have a map and there weren’t any signs. I thought about Japan and how lost I got there, and how much I really wanted to be at a Japanese Café enjoying air con and polite service, eating the best Carbonara I’ve ever had and drinking a Cream soda float…

I eventually went to a Tesco Express to buy juice and asked for directions. It was a little embarrassing as the guy at the counter didn’t know so he called out to another person, who also didn’t know, and then another person who thankfully did know. Thankfully the shop was quiet too because the whole process was embarrassing. The guy who knew went outside with me and pointed out where I had to go and I honestly could have hugged him. I was so grateful just to know where I was going. Got to the university and realised I didn’t know where to go within the university. Phoned my dad and complained to him before gatherine courage and asking a security guy. Security guy was nice in helping me meet who I needed to meet and thus I did then get shown around the uni. It was pretty good as it was an individual tour, just me. Meant I had the courage to ask all I wanted to and… made me feel special :P

After that my mood picked up a lot. I sort of knew where I was going a bit better and despite being quite tired out I decided to go the Albert docks. Because I was in Liverpool so of course I was going to the docks! There are actually signs to follow to get to the docks so I had no problem getting there. I wanted a pub lunch but the pub I found was too full, so I ended up at this over priced cafe. The service wasn’t the best and the food was average. Lame. I’d expected more for what I paid. (And I still wanted a cream soda float. Why don’t they sell cream soda in this country? All that is available is this horrible clear stuff. Cream soda is supposed to be BRIGHT GREEN. ;___;) I did get to eat looking out across the water just as I hoped. I could also people watch to pass time. :D After eating looked around the dock. Found this sweet shop and it’s a testament to how much I’ve grown that I could resist buying the whole store, and instead bought just two cute little chocolate mice for myself and a box of tacky tourist fudge for the parents (If you’ve ever been a tourist in Britain I’m sure you know what I’m talking about when I talk about tourist fudge. I hope). I headed straight back to the station, though I did get diverted into one shop where I managed to spend absolutely nothing on some really gorgeous clothes, some of which I’ve been looking for (such as a cotton cardigan and a plain white t-shirt!). There are some really nice shops in Liverpool. If I had the money it would have been great to look around and see what else I could get.

Got back to the station and went home, basically. The train back was thankfully chav free, and thus quiet, and also less crowded so I didn’t have to have my bag on my lap or be confined to my place only. I could have my window seat and aisle seat all to myself, just how I like.

I feel really tired now. These past few days have been hectic and stressful. You know, they still haven’t process my application on UCAS? And I’m going to have to wait until Monday as they are closed tomorrow too. It’ frustrating. I think I’m guaranteed a place but I need the confirmation! And I need to sort out student finance which I can only do once my place is secured. I start on the 13th September which isn’t far now. Although as I was walking away from the university today, I realised I am kind of excited. Scared and nervous, but a part of me is a little excited. I’m actually going to be a university student. It’s weird but kind of cool at the same time.

So I’m back in the UK. Came back about two days ago and have been spending my time catching up on Life is Beautiful and Friends and not doing much else. I’m really tired. It’s strange being back in the UK, in a way. Everything is in English again! There aren’t any vending machines everywhere I look or convience stores. All the people are white and just not as beautifully made up as the Japanese (Japanese woman dress amazingly well (and modest. it’s so great being in a place were I don’t have to see boobs and/or bras hanging out and people wearing leggings without long enough tops) and they wear high heels for anything! And police men and people who work at the station wear such formal uniforms. appearance really seems to be everything there.) And it’s strange how small the UK feels, when Japan is even more cramped than this place. I don’t get that. Anyway. Japan is a really beautiful, interesting place. I had a  lot of fun. Yeah it was uncomfortably hot and it was difficult with the language barrier. If I was to go again I’d have to learn how to speak Japanese. But I got by. And I got used to it. I liked it there, loved it even. It was everything I expected plus a load of surprises. It’s definitely different actually being there compared to just reading about it.

I saw tourist attractions and ate at nice places and shopped and bought some gorgeous clothes. It was scary being by myself, but at the same time I felt a strange sense of freedom. I no longer had anyones expectations to live up to, including the expectations of myself. I could just let go and be. Sometimes I just went out for long walks through the city, enjoying the feeling of being lost in the crowd and all those lights. It was an amazing 10 days. I didn’t think about anything and I didn’t go on the internet at all, it was truly a break from everything. I feel kind of bummed out now after coming back. I don’t miss Japan, for it’s far different living in a place for a long time compared to visiting there, though  I do miss certain things about it. And I just, all those things I could avoid thinking about there are all back on my mind. It’s like it was a dream and now I’m back to reality and it’s just as ugly as it has been for too long. I don’t want to be here.

Everything is a little hectic right now. Been quite busy past few days- actually busy mixed with a lot of procrastinating from what I need to do. Got my hair cut, which is both weird and awesome, and been running around trying to gather all my things together, trying to find a suitcase (a quest and a half) and trying to organize my free days apart from the tour. Yes, so I leave for Japan tomorrow. I don’t feel ready! And I don’t feel organized! I’m a bit AHHHHH about the whole thing, for lack of better description. Nerves, worry, dread, anticipation, fear and a little bit of excitement. To be honest it hasn’t really hit me yet. When we went to the airport to get my Yen it sort of hit me, but otherwise…it just feels really surreal. I’m going to Japan tomorrow. I just can’t really believe it. I hope Japan is as awesome as I think it is when I get there. Like I know it isn’t perfect and most likely there are gonna be things I hate  but I want it to be fun despite those things. I am so nervous about this.

Also it’s 12 hours to Tokyo. That’s the same time as it gets to Cape Town so technically, technically I should be used to it. But I’m not. I am not looking forward to getting up at 6am tomorrow and then the whole travelling thing. I’m going to die on the plane tommorow. And I’ve never been through such an extreme time zone change before either D:

Anyway. I am rambling and this entry makes no sense as I am in a rush. Sorry! But I need to go to bed soon. And I still have things to do. (Left things to the last minute, like always.) See you in 10 days~ (though I very likely will be updating my twitter!)

On Friday I went to London for the day! I had to get up at 6:30am but for some reason I woke up at 5am and then couldn’t get back to sleep. So I got up at 5:30am in the morning, after going to bed at midnight and not falling asleep until about 2am. I was exhausted. This was the first thing to go wrong in a very short amount of time. I then discovered that I had an allergic reaction to either the moisturiser or the shaving cream I used the night before in an effort to make my legs smooth and hairless for the day. This hasn’t happened to me in years. I was so pissed off. I thought that finally, as I was growing up, my skin was becoming less sensitive. Clearly I was wrong. I got ready, putting on my new clothes despite the fact my legs were now decorated with a lovely red rash. I was determined to wear my new outfit, thinking I would like to look pretty once and that it was going to be a hot day and I didn’t want to cover up too much. Upon seeing my outfit my dad remarked that it looked like I was still in my pajamas, and any remaining confidence I had was crushed. Arrived at the station, tired and feeling quite self conscience. Decided to wear my hair loose, though typically the one time I wear it down it is all flat and hideous.

All those little things put me in such a bad mood and made me anxious for the day. I was already nervous going all the way to London by myself and by that point I had come to the conclusion that either the day was going to continue to suck, or after a horrible morning it would pick up and become a nice day.

(The rest under the cut. Warning: This entry is long and contains quite a few images.)

JAPAN HOLIDAY IS BOOKED. 26th July-4th August. Plane tickets booked, tour booked, and found a good company to rent a cellphone from (I get to play with a Japanese cell for 10 days! My phone was the latest model in 2005. I am so happy to get hold of some modern technology!). Japan has always been this distant dream of mine, something I only saw in photos, read about and imagined. I never prepared myself for the reality I would actually end up going there. I am scared to be excited, because then I’ll expect things and most likely end up dissapointed but… I AM SO EXCITED DESPITE MYSELF. I need this holiday, and I need it to be by myself.