It’s been a while since I blogged, hasn’t it? Typical that I would go on an unintentional blogging hiatus after splashing the front page with my cooking disasters. Typical, and a little embarassing.
I’ve since made another Spicery meal which turned out much better but I haven’t had time to do a write up since starting work. Yep, I’ve now been a graduate electrical engineer for two weeks. It’s been scary and overwhelming and I could go on, but we’ve all been there, starting work for the first time, so I’m sure you’ll understand. Besides, I know I can’t talk about work here. And mostly, I don’t want to write yet another whiny entry complaining about things. In many ways I’m liking my job, I’m amazed and grateful to have it, and I’m learning so much, about things that interest me. And there has been a bunch of other good stuff happening. So I’m going to make this entry a list of positives from these past couple of weeks.
(And hopefully stop writing like this is a report , too)
→ Just before I started work, my parents came round. My mom fell hard for my new place, and whilst me and my dad went off to get lost in a massive ASDA superstore, my mom sat at home in the sun streaming through the living room windows with a magazine. Ok, so she was pretty awesome and cleaned my bathroom too. Once my dad and I got back we set about building some more furniture, then I made food whilst my dad put the finishing touches. It was a nice day, and so much better than sitting around fretting about work. I am so grateful for my family right now. My dad texts or phones me everyday to ask how my day was, and it makes me feel so happy and motivated to hear the pride in his voice. My mom too often calls and reassures me that it’s all going to be OK, and I don’t quite believe her, but I need to hear it anyway.
→ I am in love with my new apartment. I have discovered its bad secret- the bathroom. The shower isn’t electric, and the piping isn’t flush, leaving dark crevices to feed the imagination. The first time I used my shower the water wouldn’t go hot and then a huge spider crawled up from somewhere, and this has marred further experiences. The shower is cramped, and there are mould issues, and I keep waiting for something to crawl out at me. Besides that, I still have massive amounts of space, I have proper, timed, central heating for the first time in 4 years and it is glorious (so cozy). My dad built me a massive bookshelf that day and my lounge looks so homey now, my kitchen is lovely to cook in, I have a vanity table of sorts in my bedroom and it feels real fancy to sit down to do my skin, and my study is great too. The neighbour can play his TV on loud for hours. The bathroom is creepy. But otherwise I’m in love. I feel so relieved and safe when I come home after a long, tiring day. I can shut the door to the world and be alone in my own place. My little retreat against outside, just like I wanted.
→ I’ve still not adjusted to my new city, forever annoyed at its public transport, but starting to settle in. I think I like it here, and I’ve not found myself missing home too much.
→ I do miss my cat though. I was really worried about her but now I can safely say- my cat is well! Context: I mentioned she was underweight and had fleas, so my parents took her back to the vet to check on both issues. She still had fleas, but less. What was really concerning is that she had lost even more weight. Poor kitty had to undergo a blood test to check for bad things. Thankfully the results came back just fine. It may be the fleas distressing her, and the medication we were using to treat them is being changed. Apart from that she’s fine. My dad decided to put her on senior cat food though and this makes me a bit sad. My little kitty is now a senior kitty. She’s still lively but she’s vulnerable now. I just try to reassure myself that she’s well now, and not to think of the future too much. I’m sure she will live until she’s 15+.
→ Last Friday I totally messed up my commute and long story short I ended up talking to a fellow commuter. It was a wierd, messed up evening but for the first time, I realised how lonely I was. I found myself chatting away to this person, talking and laughing and spilling out things I maybe shouldn’t. Be he was interested. And he himself was interesting. And he helped me to get home, and before we parted he gave me his number and now I don’t know what to do. It was a lovely, if surreal, evening and I don’t want it to be ruined by an awkward second meeting. But I want to make friends. I need to figure out a way to make this into something. I will.
→ I have been eating well. I think actually I’ve been doing an OK job looking after myself in general. I’ve been struggling to adjust to work, that 9-5 structure, but I’ve been trying to go to bed early so I can wake up early. Not always succeeded, to embarassing results. And I’m still tired from the long commute and from well, hard work, but I’ve mostly been doing OK. And I’ve been sticking to my goal to one decent meal a day. Been comfort eating a little, but I try and schedule it to Friday nights and Saturday, and then the rest of the week I am reasonably disciplined. I’ve been relying on ready meals and short cuts so I do hope I can get more home cooked food into me. Once I’m more settled though. I try to accept now isn’t the time to put too much pressure on myself to fully recover from my disordered eating habits. And I’m trying to focus on how much better I am compared to before, compared to focusing on how much further I have to go.
→ Talking about discipline, I’ve been super careful with my money lately. No impulse purchases. No excessive spending on comfort food. (My two weaknesses.) hopefully I can keep it up!
→ On Wednesday I went to the open day for language evening courses at a local university. I was super nervous and could barely even speak English to the tutor, let alone Japanese, so I was shocked when he recommended me for the intermediate Japanese classes. Shocked and very relieved. And happy. He said that my kanji weren’t quite up to speed and my vocab was a bit shaky, but my understanding was at a high level. I signed up then and there. Classes start early October. I’ve got so much cramming to do before then and I’m a bit nervous about whether I’ll fit in or have to drop a level (how embarassing!) But I’m super excited. I love Japanese. There’s no real purpose to me learning it but that and I refuse to feel bad about that. I was talking to someone before the tutor could see me and she was saying how she had learnt the language years ago, had stopped, but found she missed it so was starting again now. I know if I stopped learning Japanese I’d miss it. Besides, its a good way to settle into my new city isn’t it? I’ll be able to interact with a bunch of different people outside work and that will be good for me. It will also be good to have something to do outside moping around at home after work.
So, things aren’t too bad. I’m a nervous wreck, anxious to the point I can’t sleep properly and my head hurts, but objectively things are going just fine. I’m going to try get that Spicery post up, and I’ve got some other bits and pieces planned, but right now my focus is work and settling into my new city, so I can’t promise anything.