This design started off normally, then veered off into insanity and too bright colors and weird background pattern land. I am experimenting with new techniques- text shadows, fixed position menu. This result is unique for me, a lot brighter and crazier than I would usually do, and for that reason I don’t think it’s very good. It’s obviously just an experiment, a product of boredom and stress. There is something relaxing about random coding; I tend to code when I need to chill out but still want to focus on something.

I am spending the evening quietly, designing this, listening to music, watching videos on YouTube etc. Later I have a music lesson and then I plan to watch a movie and eat ice cream. Or maybe ice cream and movie before.

My sister is coming home too and is about to break up with her boyfriend, so I wonder what will come of that. I can imagine that she won’t be in a good mood. I actually don’t know what I would do if she gets upset. I can listen to people just fine, but I’m not that great at offering comfort. Today I noticed my friend looked down so I asked her what is wrong, and she told me that she had been rejected from the university she wanted to go to. I wanted badly to make her feel better but words left me and all I could do is offer her a hug. I am useless in times of need, unfortunately. I felt so awkward and slightly guilty, that I couldn’t be more, that I couldn’t support her. :/

But back to ice cream. To be honest I’ve eaten enough junk today so I might leave my movie and ice cream time for tomorrow. I already feel quite relaxed and happy right now. Maybe it’s what I’ve eaten so far or because something finally went right with the coursework that is stressing me, or the fact it’s the weekend and I can relax. But whatever, I like the feeling. Even if I’m still technically exhausted.

Last two exams were terrible but was happy when they were over. I know I didn’t do well, but at least they are done. I went and bought some junk food and pigged out and spent the night doing nothing at all. Happiness is short lived as now have to deal with coursework. Physics coming up, and currently doing Chemistry coursework. Have only a small idea of what I’m doing with this coursework. Had to stay behind after school tonight until 8.00pm to do the practical work and it’s not going well at all. :|

Can you believe it’s already February? I can’t quite grasp it.

Friends wise my friend said something to me which annoyed me so I said something to her about it and apparently I came across as if I was shouting which I think is crazy as I was only being mildly confrontational (in my view, but then again the sort of house I come from slash the sort of people my sister and mother are…), yet I shocked my friends who are obviously not used to my err…somewhat fiery temper (I’m such a moody person really). I was mainly amused at their reaction. Because really, that was so far from when I really properly lose my temper.

Now I am annoyed as apparently the one who said the stuff to me was talking to someone else about it and making out that a) it was a huge deal and b) it is my entire fault. Really it’s not what she said, it’s more the way she said it. She said it in such a condescending manner, such a know-it-all way and what she was saying was so hypocritical yet she was acting so much better-than-thou. So I don’t want her feeling guilty but some acknowledgment that she was a little out of line, or she said something insensitive would be nice.

She also hit on one of my complexes. I’ve had enough talks from my dad about how I waste my time, waste my life, my hobbies are worthless etc that when my friends start saying things that imply those same things, it kind of pisses me off. I just don’t need it.

Meh. What is done is done.

I have been in a crap mood lately though, for unrelated reasons, but It doesn’t really help anything and to be honest if she does say anything to me I will probably be bitchy again because I don’t need peoples shit right now. It’s enough dealing with my own mind.

(Which is why I wish my mother would stop making a big deal out of everything I say or do because I don’t need to listen to her ranting about nothing. She makes this house a very uncomfortable place to be, and that sucks because I need some place to breathe, relax and try to feel positive.)

side note 1: U_KISS new album is pretty good. Nothing amazing, and I wish so badly for KPOP to more diverse, for groups to do dance tracks like RISING SUN or that weird rock dance style of Don’t Don and Triangle, but it’s fun to listen to. Without you is my favourite, the song is just too pretty. I still can’t into any of these newer groups though. Super Junior and DBSK always, and sometimes Big Bang….

side note 2: domain transfer was successful :D Everything went OK and axis host were very supportive. Don’t have to renew until 2012. Which is when I am 19? wth. That is weird to think of.