Welcome! Honest Lies is the personal site of a 24 year old graduate electrical engineer living in the UK. Covering every day life, books and various other randomness. Read more about me and the site here.

Copenhagen Day 1

Saturday 8th October 2016, 8.59pm

Travelling to Denmark yesterday was uneventful and took up much of the day. My sister and I arrived into Copenhagen very late. Thankfully our hotel was close to the main station, which meant getting from the airport to there was a quick and painless process – one train with a 20 minutes ride, then a couple of minutes walk. My sister and I had booked a dorm at the Urban House Copenhagen. At least we thought we had. We were very relieved when we arrived and there was no one else there. (The next morning we could confirm that no one else would be there too. Phew.)

The room was a good size, with disconcertingly uneven floors. It was rather sparse, not particularly clean, but not dirty (there were suspicious marks on my bedding and a funny smell in the room, most likely coming from the bathroom) and quiet enough. The heating did not work. Outside the window there were some ‘gentlemens facilities’, and there was no dead bolt on the door, so it didn’t feel 100% safe, but it was OK. Atleast there were lockers in the room where we could place our sensitive documents – though we had to use our own padlocks to shut it. Finally, we made up our beds and settled down to sleep.

Changing of the guards at Ameliaborg Palace

Changing of the Guards at Ameliaborg Palace

The next day we took the train to Østerport to explore Ameliaborg Palace and the marble church. The marble church was both closed and the tours of the tower cancelled, but we were able to see the changing of the guards at Ameliaborg, and then went into the palace itself to explore.


Items from the Royal Attics

There was an excellent exhibition on the royal attic(s) showing all the typical junk the gets lost in the bowels of family houses – old clothes, appliances, crockery, linens, toys etc. – but all actually worth something because of their association (with royalty) and origins. Many of the items were accompanied by signs written in the first person/from the items point of view to explain the items history, which was oddly hilarious. It was a fun and playful exhibition that showed a very human side to royalty – the hoarding, the pictures of the royal children playing on their toys, a bright pink toiletries case, experimental art created by the royal household. After that we walked to see the little mermaid. She was a lot smaller than expected – it was actually a bit anti climatic. But she was beautiful, with lovely detailing. There were hoards of other tourists to compete with for photos though… of course.

The Little Mermaid

The Little Mermaid, and scenes from walking through Kastell Park and Copenhagen

We started to head back in the direction of our hotel, which although conveniently close to the main station, was actually far from many of the main tourist sites. On the way we explored Kastell island, which was pretty and interesting, and reminded me in its star shape of the Goryokaku Fort in Hakodate. We also went back to the Marble Church, which was open by then so we could have a look inside, even if we couldn’t go up the tower still. We carried on back to our hotel, just taking in the ordinary streets – the different architecture (to the UK), the many buildings with plants crawling over the walls, the cafes advertising fresh juice and coffee and all kinds of alternate diets. We passed the National Museum, and Tivoli Gardens, and found a small garden that was amazingly still in bloom, which we could look around in. Then we went back to the hotel, where we bought food at the Urban Bar. We had burgers with curly fries and it was delicious – although there wasn’t enough bacon on my burger. (I really like lots of bacon.) But it was significantly cheaper than any of the other places we had seen, so there was that too. (We had fully expected to starve whilst on this holiday, due to how expensive it is in Copenhagen.)

Thinking Man


I arrived back from holiday yesterday. Four days in Copenhagen with my sister, followed by a week in Northern Germany alone. I had a good time, mostly. Europe is pretty expensive, especially Denmark. But there was lots to see and do.


The journey back was a big mess. My flight was cancelled which meant I was facing an extra night in Germany, and I would have to pay as they would compensate, but not pay out immediately. I was stressed. I didn’t have the money for a hotel. I didn’t want to stay longer- I had Japanese class tonight and am due back at work tomorrow. In the end my father found a cheap enough flight to book me on to get me back. I phoned my original airline and they said they may compensate that too so fingers crossed they do.

The new flight wasn’t direct like my original flight, but compromised of two short flights and a small layover. The first flight was packed and uncomfortable. The second was emptier so ok. I was on the aisle, the middle seat was free, and someone else was at the window. A good arrangement. I didn’t like the way it felt- taking off, then pretty much landing again straightaway, then taking off, then another landing after a tiny cruising time. It didn’t feel good. But at least I was going home.

I spent the night at my parents then travelled again today to get back to my flat. I was so happy to see my fish. I lay down in that room to rest and be close to them before class. I am quite tired out. Holidaying is surprisingly draining.

Of course, I was also looking forward to getting back so I could see my little cat, who is still very sick.


It’s very obvious my cat is dying.

She looks so very tired. When you stroke her, you can feel her bones. She felt very fragile under my hands earlier today, and I was almost afraid to pet her. We don’t pick her up anymore. These days, she isn’t around us much anyway. She won’t come indoors. She seems to be going a little feral as the end nears. Even in the pouring rain, she is to be found outside. She will allow you to approach her and pet her, purrs even, but only for short amounts of time. She used to come in every time we were in the kitchen, and whine for food, winding her way around our legs and getting in the way. She doesn’t anymore. She is still eating, but mostly wet food and in small amounts. She isn’t interested in food anymore. Not like she used to be (she used to be such a greedy cat!) I feel she knows she is dying. I feel she is quietly resting and preparing herself for the end. Someone told me animals don’t have the same emotional attachment to life that we do, that they therefore don’t feel the same anxiety around death. I find that reflected in my cat. She seems to have accepted that her end is near. She seems calm. She just seems tired and a little uncomfortable. It’s upsetting to watch her quietly dying like this. I want to do something for her, anything, to make it better. Just so she can breathe normally, so she won’t purr in such a stilted way, so she won’t feel so breakable, so she won’t look so exhausted. There’s nothing we can do and that’s the frustrating thing. All we can do is give her space. We take her to the vets every two weeks. At first he gave us pills to give to her to help her to breathe, but she grew too resistant, it was stressing her out too much forcing her to take them, so the vet gave her an injection last appointment instead so we don’t have to do that anymore. At the next appointment she may receive another injection, or the vet may tell us it’s time to let her go. We don’t know. We are all of us waiting for the end, in different ways. It’s horrible.

Tomorrow, back to work. I’ve been feeling disoriented since just before my second flight, as I began to hear people speaking in a) English and b) British accents again. The feeling hadn’t gone away yet. I feel like I’ve been away for ages. I’m not sure how I’m going to function tomorrow…

“You had not expected this, the bedroom gone white, the astronomical light pummeling you in a stream of fists”

kittyToday I found out that my cat is dying.

It’s not totally unexpected; she’s been unhealthy for about a year now. She has not been ageing well. First it was the fleas taking it out of her, then she had cancer and had to have surgery to have it removed. We, my family and I, were told then it may come back at any time… but you always think that won’t be soon, don’t you? The next time she went to the vets everything was fine and she just needed to be booked in to hospital to have her teeth cleaned. The vet said she was fine. We all breathed a sigh of relief. The cancer wasn’t back.

Today she was labouring when breathing so back to the vet again. I only found out now that this had happened. That the vet had x-rayed her and found cancer in her lungs. It was moving fast. We could have a week, we could have two months. But either way we are going to have to put her down.

I hate that I’m not there with her. I call her my cat but she is the family pet and she lives with my parents. I’m just a little too far away to be able to see her when I want. I hate it. And I hate that I won’t be there to hear the final verdict when she goes back to the vet on Monday. And what if the verdict is something immediate has to be done? What if the last time I saw her was the last time?

I never seem to be there when those that I love pass away.

One Year

I have been working for a year now and to be honest, it still feels as new as it did September last year. Although realistically, I am becoming more involved and more independent now. I’ve had a couple of really stressful weeks at work with a pile of deadlines to chew through, but I think I like being that busy and productive. I like feeling like I’m really contributing to my company now. Since coming down to the lower dosage of my medication, combined with weeks of therapy, I feel more focused and less easily distracted. Of course I have my bad days, and a long list of ways my anxiety still frustrates me and hinders me, but otherwise it’s OK.

It’s been a trying month financially too. As I hit the 12 month mark of my tenancy in my flat, I had to renew my contract, and thankfully my rent didn’t increase. I have however had my insurance to renew, and internet/phone line rental to renew , and meanwhile I’ve failed my driving test yet again so I’ve had to book another theory test and have another few months of driving lessons to fork out for. I’m also going on holiday next month. Which is now looking not quite as feasible as it did before. Europe is expensive. I need new luggage. That is expensive. I need travel insurance. Another expense. It’s all piling up in an altogether uncomfortable way. I had to dip into my permanent/long term savings which felt very wrong. I’m already nervous for Christmas and all the associated expenses.

Adult life is pretty tiring and a little stressful right now.

In more positive news-

  • I was worried about leaving my fish when I went away but I have arranged for various people to fish sit for me. :)
  • My remaining fish are alive and well, and both tanks are still stable :)
  • I recently finished up a big part of one of my projects at work, after months of work :)
  • I’m still sticking with the happiness planner though I’m starting to find it hard to fill out every day… :/
  • I’ve been sleeping much better since reducing my meds. And ok, I’ve also cut out coffee or coke during the week (only allowed on Friday or Saturday) and I’m being better about going to bed at the same , early time :)
  • I’ve been doing yoga every week and it’s great :)
  • I start Japanese classes again soon! A little nervous, a little excited :)
  • Did I mention I’m going on holiday soon? ;)