Take the light inside you like a blessing, like a knee in the chest, holding onto it and not letting it go. Now let it go.

University internet is painfully slow. My super fast intent at home has ruined me and I hate having to actually wait for pages to load! And yes, I am writing this sat in my new room in university halls. The summer holiday passed me by completely- spent mainly lazing around watching dramas and mindlessly surfing the internet. I did venture out for a trip to IKEA with my dad, and to Liverpool to go shopping (and a little reminiscing about the time I spent there), and to Manchester to meet with my sister and do even more shopping. Apart from that, nothing much. I also took a long break from the social network side of the internet- no blogging, or twitter, nothing. It was painfully boring, sitting around doing nothing, but relaxing and I knew then I’ll miss it and I know now I miss it. This whole moving business crept up on me in a way, sitting around at home it seemed so far away but then suddenly it was today and I was sitting in car piled high with all my stuff, driving to a completely new place, to start on a new pathway.

The drive was fairly painless- no traffic at all, so it took about an hour and a half. My dad took me down and we chatted a little, but mainly sat in silence. We did have fun spotting the other cars piled high with stuff on the same route as us. Arriving at the uni I checked in and received an information pack along with my student id and room key. My room was on the first floor, and I went with my dad to check it out before starting to unload my stuff. I was surprised at how large my room was. There is so much space in this place, though who knows how long it will last (of course) My room is at the end of the first floor, so there won’t be too many people walking by which is good. However it’s right next to the bathroom which is good as short distance for me, but bad cos I can hear everyone else going in there. Oh well. My room is large with plenty of space for all my stuff and that’s enough. I helped my dad unload the car. It took about four trips, where of course my dad took everything heavy and I took everything light. Finally everything was in my room. My dad left briefly to go park the car somewhere else and I set about unpacking. My dad came back and settled down to sort out my computer and I continued to unpack and organize all my things. We took a brief break for lunch only. My sister phoned too, and I chatted with her a bit. I finished all my unpacking in about 2 or 3 hours, and then I was left to chat with my dad. It started to hit me around then, that I was going to be all alone in this big room for the next year, in this city away from home, and I only then really began to feel like I could just sit and cry and cry. My dad left at around 3. I walked him to the car and waved him off, then came back to my room to listen to some sad music and I let myself cry, just a little. It’s weird, being in this new space, not having my parents around me, not having my cat around me (I really miss my cat).

I had a talk to attend, and then I came back to my room, then fire drill (where I finally said hello to the girl living in the room opposite me, and we got hopelessly lost coming back to our rooms cos we both suck at directions). Then back to my rooms to mope some more. Then dinner of awkwardness. I had to queue up ages to get my food, only to realize I was tired and sad and didn’t particular feel like eating. I left most of it; I just couldn’t bring myself to eat. The food was OK though, a decent enough choice of things. I sat by myself, opposite some other girl who I had been standing behind in the queue and we hadn’t spoken, so I assumed we could just continue to be around each other and not actually speak. Yeah, pretty awkward. But at least I could eat dinner quietly. Anyway, after supper more moping around. Then I had another talk to attend. On the walk to that talk I actually bumped into another engineering student, who is also in my hall, who is also a girl. I was so surprised, but I think she was too, cos that’s just way too many coincidences you know? Anyway, conversation fizzled out and I sat quietly to wait for the talk to behind. Talk over I came back to my room where I am about to make something to eat, put on my pajamas and watch some FRIENDS before going to bed. Early start tomorrow, and a day packed with lectures.

I am exhausted, a little sad, very terrified, very nervous and worried and maybe a bit excited. Mostly I am a whole bunch of negative emotions rn. This is all very, very scary. It’s just all so different.