Come on, show your happiness in a new colour

Well, exams are over now. I had my last on Thursday and it went terribly, as all the others did. I’m not surprised at this one; I’m not confident with the subject and I know I didn’t work as hard as I should have for it. I was so fed up after the first three that I could barely get myself revising. I hope I have done enough to pass it at  least. Now comes the wait for results. There’s a lot resting on these results and I can honestly say I’m terrified. I don’t know what I’ll do if I fail, so I’m trying not think about it (and in that way, its all I can think of)

After the exam I got some celebratory coffee and came back to my room and I suddenly felt so unsure of myself. When revising there are always other things to do. But when you suddenly find yourself with free time its like there’s so much to do and no pressure to do any of it due to the complete lack of time limits, that you don’t even know where to begin. Its like- what do I do now?!  I’m done with my first year of university. Already. Its weird. But despite my anxiety over exam results, I am glad this semester is finally done with. That uni is done with for another year. I’m ready to take a break, recharge a bit before having to go into second year.

I came home for the weekend last night . I am attending  the wedding reception of my sisters best friend today. It’s strange that the wedding is already happening. I remember sitting in the car with my sister and her friends when this friend announced her engagement, at that time it was still a secret, not quite set in stone. It doesn’t feel like that long ago but it really was. I really wonder what it is like for my sister to watch her best friend get married. Shame, she has had to help organise this wedding and its obvious how stressed and emotional she is. I personally am not sure what to think about going to wedding reception. I’m grateful to be invited, but this is a social event and I am not exactly social. My sister was telling me what was likely to be happening and so I told her “I’m going to have to get very drunk for this, aren’t I?” That may turn out to be true. Gosh, there’s going to be dancing. I don’t dance. For the good of other people, that is.

I bought my dress two weeks ago, and I have some high heels that make me like 6ft tall and I am not sure I can walk in, and I did my makeup nicely although I’m terribly broken out from stress and nothing can cover it and I forgot my pressed powder which is annoying.  Its rather weird dressing up like this. I didn’t even go to my school proms!  So I’m feeling unsure of myself in this way too.

I hope its going to be fun. I could do with a nice  fun evening after exams.

I need to go finish getting ready now- I’m nearly late!