There’s a beautiful mess inside

So, it seems that time is just flying past again. When I last updated I was getting ready to leave halls. My sister came and picked me up as my dad was unavailable. She arrived in a bad mood, annoyed at having to pick me up and then more annoyed after getting lost. She sat and watched as I packed, making sure that I had every last scrap boxed up before we could take a break to head into town in search of food. We eventually ended up in town, wandering without destination until we finally came to agree that we wanted Thai food. She googled it and we found a small Thai restaurant tucked away on a side street, where we were early enough to be one of only two groups there so it was lovely and quiet. The food was delicious and it was nice to spend time with my sister, chatting about this and that. (No matter how terrible a mood she is in my sister will always become mellow after eating.) After dinner we got the bus back to campus, then walked through campus making stupid jokes, saying silly nonsensical things that would make no sense to anyone who overhead, and laughing too hard over it all. I was really happier than I had felt in long time. I read through some of my entries over the past few months and they were really pessimistic. I felt like reaching into the screen and shaking myself, telling myself to get over myself. But its easy to say that when I have achieved what I wanted. Just as it was easy to laugh then, the reality of moving abroad not set in yet and therefore none of the anxiety. I was just really happy to have achieved it.

Once back at halls we started to pack up her car aka lugging boxes through halls and trying to get them to fit into her tiny corsa. We bickered the whole time- my sister complaining, and me telling her to get over it. Half serious, as always. We got some amused looks from the people we passed as we so often do. Somehow when we are together we often end up being loud and silly together, like we’re children, and I often see someone nearby glancing at us with a certain expression, kind of amused, almost surprised. Not that I care. It’s fun. It took a while but we got everything packed up then I poked around my empty room to check and recheck if I’d left anything behind. It was strange to see the room so empty and to think of never going back there. I handed in my keys and then I left and… it was really easy to do. I didn’t feel sad and I don’t miss it. I was relieved to be coming home. In the end when I come home I more miss independent living than living in halls. Living in halls is exactly as advertised- grimy, loud, bad food (although admittedly that last couple of weeks of the semester the food was pretty good and the dinner hall was always quiet which was even better) .

So now I am home. I have idled away the time in the usual ways, although I have been good and I have been trying to study Japanese so I don’t forget everything I learned over the course of my lessons- it would be a waste to spend so much money on lessons and then forget it all- right? Besides, it makes me feel productive. Apart from that I have gone out to the cinema twice. I went to see the 5 year engagement with my sister which was enjoyable enough. And last night I headed out with my sister and her friends to see Magic Mike which was just awful. They tried to inject plot into a movie which would have been better without. Really, the plot was flimsy, the lead actress was awful and the ending was abrupt-  worse than the flimsy plot, the flimsy plot was never resolved. ugh.

Really, right now, everything’s pretty boring and I’m slipping into a very comfortable and lazy routine- which can’t be a good thing as in less than two months I’ll be totally uprooted, flying off to live in a strange, foreign place. I’m playing the waiting game at the moment- waiting for the confirmation letters to come through, waiting for accommodation to be allocated, waiting for the term dates to be given. In fact both me and my friend got bored and fed up of waiting so we already booked our flights to Singapore, where we’ll stay a few days before heading onto Malaysia. We’ve not booked the flights to Malaysia yet so I don’t know when my life will start there, but I know I leave the country on the 12th of September. The way time is slipping through my fingers that is uncomfortably close. I started a to do list and it is already half a page long, all the things I need to research and organise and all the preparations I need to make. Although I am excited the glamour of moving abroad has faded, revealing the reality of the fact that moving abroad isn’t as easy as throwing stuff in a suitcase and going, which is the romantic ideal right? But no, so much to do… and so much I’ll have to leave behind. It’s going to be hard to resist the temptation to try and fill my suitcase with things I don’t need for any reason than sentimentality, than wanting to cling onto some part of my comfortable every day routine in this country.

I’m excited, but nervous, and very scared. I say that its sunk in that I’m going, that this is happening, but it’s half a lie- I don’t think it will truly sink in until I am on that plane.