“I believe that she smiled in self-defense, using the open vulnerability of her smile as a shield, the way a puppy bares its neck to a stronger dog.”

Kuala Lumpur
Kuala Lumpur
Kuala Lumpur
Kuala Lumpur - twin towers

On Saturday I went into Kuala Lumpur for the first time. The university had organised a tour for the new international students, and it was cheap and I sort of have to socialise, even though it makes me feel tired, so I dragged myself out of bed and I went. Besides, i had been wanting to go into the city, and I am at a loss as how the trains work here to try and get there myself!

The bus journey was quite long,spent chatting amongst the acquaintances i have made here. We stopped in Putrajaya first. The sun was intense, almost blinding, and it was hot as I explored, taking many photos of everything because it was all so pretty. I had also never seen a Mosque before this and it was magnificent. i did not go in though, for i did not feel like taking of my shoes or donning a pale pink robe so i slipped away when no one was looking and walked until¬† i bumped into the person i had been sitting next to on the bus. we spent some time just chatting before we all of us piled back on the bus and headed into kl. KL has certain things that reminded me of Singapore, but they are not alike. I’m not sure if I was expecting them to be more or less similiar?

Anyway, we first stopped at the KL tower for lunch at the revolving restaurant. I definitely ate too much, piling my plate high with delicious food, and even higher with delicate, attractive looking cakes. I ate, ate some more, wondered around the place taking pictures, ate some more, stole some food from someone else to eat even more and in the end felt quite sick. Serves me right, really. It was just all so nice. :/ We unfortunately did’t have time to explore more of the tower, for we had to be back on the bus and to our next destination- the cocoa boutique. This was a random stop, and slightly unwelcome when we were all full to the brim. If they had brought us there when were hungry we may have been enthusiastic but as it was i took all the chocolate samples and bought nothing, and left early with a couple if friends to walk around the rest of the Malaysia tourist center. I did see a giant chocolate dragon there though, so. Not a complete waste of time? Then we were dragged to a photo spot to take picture in front of the twin towers. then, finally, finally, it was to the mid valley mall and shopping time! Except I had to hunt through supermarkets trying to find washing powder I was not allergic to (I’m allergic to biological…) which took much longer than I thought, because even KL doesn’t have it! A panicked text conversation with my father I managed to settle on some plant based stuff. though its worrying and unexpected that they don’t seem to have non bio here. hoping the plant stuff works :/

in the end I only had time to nip into watsons and allow myself to be coaxed into buying a foundation by an overly friendly sales girl. The girls in watsons/gaurdian/makeup stores are so clingy. But I found that in a lot of shops in Singapore as well as here. The girls will hang by as you browse and even when you tell them when you are browsing they will still stand by your shoulder, watching, trying to give you sales talk. Its like, back off, I am just browsing! I was in the mood to be coaxed into purchasing though, and happily accepted this girls guidance. I have a feeling I will spending a lot of time in watsons, and a lot of money, in the future. :|

I ended up rushing back to the bus but I thankfully made it on time. Tired out fro the long day, the long week, i quietly listened to music and stared out the window, ignoring everyone and thing. The next day, I took a long, much needed lie in and then spent the day lazily, working through my chores slowly, leisurely walking into campus to get food, just taking it all slow, talking to no one, keeping to myself, trying to prepare myself for Monday.

Because today, all too soon, was my first day of second year. I woke up feeling reasonably relaxed, but at around 8.40am realized I had a 9am lecture and things started to go wrong from there. I left my room at 9am and raced to the classroom, only to find myself lost, only to race to another classroom, only to realize it was the wrong one, to race to another classroom and finally, I was nearly 30 minutes late. Thankfully it was not an important lecture, just admin type stuff, and I now know my way around campus reasonably well after running around it like a mad thing. The first lecture was dull and it was hard to concentrate after a long, lazy summer and I was glad when it ended an hour early. I went back to my room to freshen up and finish getting ready for the day before my next lecture. I sat down at the back of the lecture hall as I did. One of the boys came up and said hello and I turned, startled, expecting to see someone behind me, but there was no one there, and he started to talk to me, and then he asked me to go sit down next to him and his friends.

It was unexpected, to say the least, but I grabbed the opportunity¬†and then stumbled through conversations with him, feeling awkward, not really sure what to say. After the long lecture, an actual lecture this time which was quite overwhelming second thing on a Monday morning just back after summer break, he asked me to join him for lunch and even though I badly wanted to say no and run in the other direction, I nodded. Then, he bought me lunch. That was just strange. I felt like a fool holding out the money to the guy at the stall only to be told it had been paid for, and slightly flustered. I am not used to such random kindness, and I couldn’t help become even more nervous, almost panicked. “What does he want from me?” I couldn’t help but think. I don’t trust in people being kind just for the sake of being kind. We ate and then parted, I bumped into my other friend and hung with her until my other tutorial, which contained nothing important and was very dull, and then finally it was my last lecture of the day where I again bumped into the guy before and we chatted some more and i honestly have no idea what I said and this bugs me. When the lecturer failed to turn up we left the room and he took me to the library and helped me print my notes- and it continued to be very strange how nice he was- and then we got drinks and he invited me to play pool with him and his friends and I…said no.

I know. I should have been desperate and clingy and shameless and said yes, but I had been nervous and on edge all day for various reasons and I gave into my desire to turn tail and run. Besides, the little voice reminded me, he was only being polite, he didn’t really want me there. I was filled with doubt, and I was scared, so I ran. I am hoping he doesn’t feel annoyed, and that he will still be friendly, because he was the only one to approach me. I thought that everyone would be very cliquey and keep to themselves, so I was grateful that someone reached out, as I was at a loss as to where to begin to integrate myself into this group. its second year after all, everyone has already had a year to make friends. Also- not only am I one of less than 10 girls this year, but also the only Caucasian. To say i stand out is an understatement.

I am slightly terrified of what will happen tomorrow.