“More I feel, my heart gets worn out…”

Today has been surprisingly relaxing. Or at least, I find myself in a relatively good mood today. I think this is a lesson how less stressful and emotional a day will unfold when one a) wakes up on time b) eats properly and c) doesn’t procrastinate and gets things done.

I woke up courtesy of my dad phoning me at 7am. No, I actually wanted him to! One of the good things about the time difference between us is that when it is my morning/waking up time it is my fathers night/going to bed time, which means I am not actually inconveniencing him by asking him to give me a quick call in the morning to wake me up. The first few moments of the conversation are always awkward, as I struggle to wake up, but then we chat, just idle conversation about this and that. My dad told me about his weekend –  how he has gotten a headache again and is thinking of starting up the paleo diet (for what time again is this now? I think to myself), how he bought himself a new smart phone (apparently my mother has one too, now, and actually enjoys and is able to use it. The image of my mother being tech savvy is baffling and I earn new respect for the smart phone), how his training is going for Japan. I tell him about the headache I have, about my presentation, how I think he’s ridiculous for training for Japan. You see we are planning to do some walking in Japan. The biggest walk will be hiking Mt Tokachi in the daisetsuzan national park. An actual mountain with an actual altitude. The trail is anything from eight, to ten, as many as we want hours. It’s going to be tough. As such, my father has decided to start dieting and go for regular weekend hikes. All right. But here’s where it gets funny- its all  in order to get up to ‘my level’. Which makes me laugh because ‘my level’? Yes, I am significantly younger. I also spend all my time in the library or sat in front of the computer, with my only exercise being walking to an from the library and to and from the canteen/7 11. It is not a long, difficult walk. And oh yeah, I’m anemic. It’s like Father, even at your age you are probably fitter than me. This is a grand example of how much my Father loves to Plan and Prepare. Then again, I do wonder if I should be trying to squeeze some training in myself. I found Bukhansan in Korea hard and that was a peak, not a mountain. Alas, I have no one to go with, as well little clue where to go. Then there is the whole having exams thing, which means I have to be stuck in the library and in my room, studying. Sedentary.

I wish I could be training together with my dad. It sounds like fun.

Well, conversation wrapped up without me managing to convince my dad to stop worrying (he is who I get my indecision and tendency to worry from, though I manage to be worse) and off my dad went to bed, and I stumbled to my computer to turn it on so I could get on with my work. I had a lab report due today. Finishing it was one of the reasons I had to wake up early today, and why I got my Dad to ensure that I did. The thing is- I only started this report on Saturday. I found out on Friday that it is worth 20%. I have no idea why it is worth so much, but it was was and I stupidly forgot about it, put it off, willingly forget, I don’t even know what, in the mess of all the other deadlines. I somehow managed to finish it, but it is honestly one of the most rushed, sloppy pieces of work I’ve ever turned in. I just figured I’d get more marks turning in a rubbish piece of work in on time rather than handing it in late or not at all. So I did. I polished it off this morning, printed it and turned it over for marking. Then I came back to my room to run through my presentation as much as I could, before I had to go and get it over and done with.

I was so nervous I was almost shaking, and in my second run through at lunch time my nervous stammer had began to force its way into my speech. In the end, for all my nerves, for all my fear,  the actual result was not so bad. It was anti-climatic, in a way.  I mean it was not good. Neither was it bad. It was just…boring and unremarkable. I had someone really  interesting before me talking about google glass in  a very competent,  interesting way and everyone loved it. Mine? I could tell everyone was really bored and slightly baffled by my topic choice. Once again, everyone chose technical things and I…did not. There were two lecturers marking it and one of them kept yawning and shifting throughout. The other actually asked me at the end during the Q&A why I had chosen this topic and I hesitated before I said “because I am interested in energy generation and its effects?” which was not a very impassioned way of describing  my very real interest in it. And is not even coherent. In fact, the more I reread through my answer the more I realise the extent that it does not make sense. (Naturally, I thought of the perfect answer five minutes later as I was thinking over it) Then the other lecturer, the one who was bored, asked me for the exact price of electricity in Africa? Whilst inside I was all O_O out loud I ventured a, “I don’t know the exact figures but definitely expensive?” How dumb did I seem. Also there were technical problems halfway through my presentation- the computer just froze on me suddenly, randomly. I was terrified it was going to crash but thankfully it woke up again. I don’t think anyone noticed, really. They were all too bored by that point. On the plus side, and there is only one plus, is that compared to last time where I rushed, I did manage to speak slower this time, if not slowly. And I made sure to pause often just to give myself a chance to relax for a second, don’t panic, just slowly get through it. I did not stammer either, as I had feared. But basically – I still hate this subject. And I am fearful of what my grade will be.

Afterwards I met up briefly with my friend to pass on some work, and then he insisted on taking pictures with me which was so fucking awkward. I hate having my picture taking T_T I’m not sure if I even smiled. I do know I was tense, and probably looked that way even if I managed to muster a smile. (Honestly, I’m like Chandler in friends. Stick me in front of a camera and immediately my expression deforms…)

I came back and indulged in some down time, not fretting over deadlines, just had a good supper, watched dramas…changed the layout round here. Yes, I decided I would change the layout again. I’m sorry, I just could not handle the other one. Promise I’m not going to be that website owner who changes theme every week. This one is it, OK? (…I hope.)

I should be going to the library round about now, but I may continue my evening of relaxation. :/