Semester 2 of university is beginning to wind down. It’s strange to think of how quickly this Semester is going by, how quickly the first year of university is. Labs on Tuesday morning are now finished and one part of my Engineering Solutions module is over (Engineering solutions basically being a “let’s work in groups to design and build a model solar powered car!” class which sounds a lot more fun and easy than it actually is). This means I hopefully won’t ever have to touch SolidWorks again, which is a good thing as that program is ridiculously complicated and difficult and I don’t really like the teachers for it. This also means no more 6am starts on Tuesday or Thursday, which is awesome in many ways. Maybe I will be able to feel less exhausted all the time on those days and thus I might be able to be less moody towards people on those days. Currently just have Monday afternoon lectures from 12:30 until 4pm, then a tutorial on Tuesday 11am, and practicals followed by maths on Thursdays. Between this all I have to spend hours in the library struggling with mathematics. Currently on Mathematics 3, which is the hardest unit there is. Hello, all these things I cannot do and caused me to fail my A levels. I am growing annoyed with maths and the way you have to teach yourself it all using a computer program that doesn’t teach you anything, and gives no leniency on answers you input. It feels very pointless and irritating doing maths right now. I also hate Mechanics and that shows in my generally iffy performance in anything mechanics related. I reassure myself that I am, thankfully, doing Electrical Engineering next year which means no more mechanics. I cannot wait.

I admit in all my classes I have been growing complacent, lazy. I am finally started to feel settled (‘in the routine’) and with that comes the danger of apathy. I’m trying to keep on top of things, even as part of me tells me just to give up. That part of me that belongs to the person I was and will no longer allow myself to be. It’s hard not to slip into old habits. Although I don’t think it is physically possible to stay fully alert during lectures, and I admire those who seem really into it. I typically stare out the window and let the information wash over me and only really pay attention when the teacher goes through examples. I wish lecture seats were more comfortable, but I can see why they aren’t.

I will admit I am also having one of these weeks where I just cannot bring myself to care about anything. Tests? whatever. Coursework? Whatever. I admit I really wanted to spend this weekend being bored doing nothing, although I have to go visit my sister as it was her birthday on Thursday. Meh. We’ll see how this weekend goes.