In a World Without You

A life update.

I went to see Bastille in concert recently. They were supported by Rationale. Thank you Bastille for introducing me to such a powerful, soulful voice. I was disappointed to find out afterward that Rationale won’t be releasing an album until next year, which means the songs I heard are unreleased? I am confused. Anyway, after Rationale Bastille came on stage and played a great mix of old and new songs. They played some of my favourites like Laura Palmer, The Draw and Of the Night. Although they skipped out their fabulous city high cover of What Would You Do?, which made me sad. I went with my sister, who had seen Bastille before they were famous (my sister is an unintentional hipster) and it was interesting to hear her talk about how before they were barely filling the standing area, when now the whole arena except for one block was packed. The lead singer was constantly wandering around stage and weaving into the crowd, which was a bizarre game of where’s Wally, followed by two massive bodyguards. He had nothing before, my sister claims. The concert was too short. It was massive fun. And although I didn’t get a chance to check out their latest album before going, I’ve bought it since, intrigued by what I heard. I’ve been looping the album daily since and I like it, though not quite as much as their first. Though to be honest, the bonus disc of Bad blood probably contains some of their best work. I’ve also been looping my videos of Rationale and waiting impatiently for his new album – which I’ve got preordered. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a concert, and it was good fun. The crowds were intense though, and I don’t think I could have coped with that aspect without having my sister next to me.

My sister stayed at mine for the night then the next day we went to see our parents together, where I was to stay for the weekend. I wanted to go back to see my cat…wasn’t there. I needed to see she was gone. It was weird though, being home without her there. I kept looking for her – instinctively scanning every room I entered, looking out the window to see if she was in the garden, looking up at every noise, wondering if that was her, jumping off one of the beds upstairs, or something. I couldn’t find her and I couldn’t make sense of it. I still can’t stop thinking about her, missing her. We received her ashes back from the pet crematorium recently, and we ordered a small memorial stone for her today. It really is tiny, just a little piece of slate engraved with her name. We will bury her beneath the azaleas were she spent her last days, and place the stone to mark the grave, subtle and not fussy, just something to honour her. She was our first proper pet. My first pet. I didn’t realise that I had beliefs about death or what comes next, and I am surprised by how strong some of my feelings are when it comes to how she should be laid to rest. Like, I desperately want to bury her with her nametag, and some of her favourite things. I want her to have them with her for…later. I didn’t know I held that belief. My family probably thinks I am a little crazy.

My sister recently got her own cat, and I am a little jealous. I’m not sure what is too soon for a new cat for myself, but I know I do want another one at some point. There is a cat shaped hole in my heart. I cannot have my own though, due to my rental contract, so I am relying on my parents to want another one. I am slightly jealous of my sister for having her own house now, and having the freedoms that come with it. It can be hard to have an older sibling, to see them ahead in the future, living out the life you are still working towards.

I have really been so gloomy since my cat died. I thought, I wanted, to come back from holiday happy and relaxed, but my cat’s death shook me and uprooted me. I lost my way for a little while, and I am only just putting the pieces back together. I have started my happiness journaling again, I am watching my diet more closely (I stopped eating for a time after my cat died, subsiding mostly on random binging episodes of much junk), and am cleaning up the house, getting that all back together.

I miss her too much.

The PVs for Jolin Tsai’s new album (muse) are terribly strange, but the album itself is incredible. I’ve had Dr. Jolin on repeat for days. I think its possibly my favourite of the new tracks. and I think the PV is also one of the most watchable of the bunch- it is wierd, but in a quirky, fun way and I love the choreography. Of course there are some boring ballads but most albums have those. I last listened to Jolin Tsai about 4 years ago but with the release of this album she certainly has my attention again.

T-ARA, Roly-Poly in Copacabana – I have been more than a little addicted to this song lately. When I first heard it I thought it was ridiculous and annoying and then I listened to it again and well… it grew on me. It’s stuck in my head now and I’ve grown to love the retro theme. It makes me laugh, but in a good way. It’s fun and different and kinda bold because I’ve seen these kind of moves used as gags on variety shows. Posting the copacabana version because it’s my favorite of the zillion pvs and possibly my favourite version of the song.

Hamasaki Ayumi, WHATEVER (live) –  I don’t think is one of her best performances but at the same time there is no such thing as a bad Ayu performance. Ayu live is an amazing thing. Her performances can be very overdone but in a fascinating way, and she has a very powerful stage presence. I’ve spent a lot of time today feeling slightly nostalgic as I marathon many Ayu’s performances of all my favourite songs, songs I admitedly haven’t listened to in a while. I’m currently going crazy for one university to reply to me and tell me whether or not I got in (as I’d very much like to go there, you know) , so it was quite nice just to sit back and feel comforted by such familiar music. Even some of these performances I’ve been repeating for years now. I’ve been listening to Japanese music for so long now, and Ayu especially. These days I don’t pay much attention to the current Jpop scene and I don’t listen to any of Ayu’s new stuff but I have my old favourites that I still listen to whether daily or just occasionally. I have a fondness for Ayu’s early albums, loveAPPEARS in particular. Her voice was so different then and LoveAPPEARS was an album like Ayu would never do again. Ok so the strong Europop and trance were something she would do again, sure, but not like here and not when her voice was like this. There is something amazing about this album- from the bold covers, to the music which is incredibly mature and emotional- bitter, uncertain and hopeful all at once- for an album of fairly upbeat, catchy dance music. WHATEVER is one of my favourites from the album, hence why I am posting this. “It’s been long. Just a little more. It seemed like it’d freeze so I closed my eyes…”

T-ARA, Like the First time – Currently hooked on this song. It’s different. The song is sexy and mature without being desperate about it/throwing it in your face. I really hate the rap section though- it sounds so out of place. It also kind of takes away some of the individuality of the song and reminds me of how formulaic kpop is; even if the sound changes the basic structure is the same :| I also think the MV is dissapointing. It has nothing to with the song for one, and I hate the sort of story line is depicts for two. Still- nothing can change my love for this song- its addictive as anything. XD