Happy new year!
The first week back at work has been difficult for me, and it was not even a full week as I started on Wednesday. It was a shock to the system to have to get up, get ready and go sit in the office for eight hours. It was a little difficult to concentrate; I felt completely out of it. The office was very quiet and it felt odd and only added to the sense of unreality of it all. A Where am I and what on earth am I doing sort of feeling. I missed lazing in bed and eating too much and doing very little else besides.
Anyway, I was thinking of whether I should do a 2018 year in review or make some goals for 2019. In regard to the review, there is probably little point; I think 2018 passed somewhat in a depressed haze, with moments of joy such as my big trip back home (to South Africa) in February, my staycation in summer and a trip to Scotland with my dad too. (This I sadly forgot to blog about. We had limited connectivity there and I somewhat enjoyed switching off, enjoying nature and spending time with my father.) There were a few smaller things too, off the top of my head I think about a weekend spent looking after my sister’s cat, fun weekends with my sister, and a lovely relaxed Christmas. But the whole being depressed and anxious thing followed me around and filled up the majority of the year, the empty spaces around holidays and fun weekends, the bit with real life and the daily grind, I struggled. I felt very stuck in my sad, anxious and self-critical mindset and am still working my way through that.
Looking forward to 2019 I know that everything will not be magically ok, but I was thinking about what I could do to improve things. I was thinking about the things I would like to achieve this year. I think these goals would look something like this:
Continue to tackle my Anxiety and Depression – keep seeing my therapist, engage with my treatment, take my medication regularly, and do things that will make me calmer and feel more in control (read: less procrastination and panicky self sabotage).
Build my savings and pay off my credit card – continue to work on managing impulsive and emotional spending, basically. Also- continue to work on identifying the difference between need and want, and then really think through my purchases why do I want this and how will I use it. I want to have a proper emergency fund!
Buy a new bed – buy a double bed in particular. I have been sleeping on the same single bed since I was a child and I am also ready to move to a double bed, however I am having some trouble commiting to spending this much money on something I technically don’t need (I have a functioning bed already!) and am also stuck on the logistics of it (Can I manage to make a bed up myself?) If I managed to succeed at the above savings goal though, I’d love to go ahead and get my new bed.
Carry on ‘locally’ travelling – this year I did go abroad once, to South Africa at the beginning of the year. However my other trips were a ‘staycation’ to Northumberland and I also spent a few days in Scotland with my dad. I would like to not go anywhere abroad this year, in line with above savings goal, but definitely still travel a bit. I am contemplating another staycation, am definitly going to Scotland with my dad again, and would like to explore my local area more – I started doing this but as depression took over I…stopped. I have a mental list of gardens, abbeys and areas of countryside I want to go to and I’d like to really commit to going out and seeing them this year. I can’t keep hibernating indoors, wallowing in my depression, after all. And if I explore like this, it should hopefully help me not feel like I’m missing out by not going abroad.
Become better at organising and managing my digital backups (and well, making them in the first place) – I have developed a fairly ok system for my paperwork over the past couple of years, next I want to develop a system for my photos and other important bits. I have sort of started but very half heartedly and my harddrives are still too messy for my liking. I also need sort out all the photos on my phone and get them backed up. (Does anyone else find themselves with a huge “Camera” folder of unsorted pictures just floating around your internal storage/SD card and clogging up space? Just me?)
Of course, nothing is set in stone. Who knows what 2019 will bring and if events will allow for the above to happen. But these are the things on my mind, and these are the intentions I’ll start my year off with. If I start well, hopefully I can end well no matter what happens.