Changing the theme around. Things may be little wonky for now (I can’t remember how to CSS tbh). Please bear with me.

Never ever

I finally got around to changing the site layout. I’m not particularly certain about it, but the change feels good.

I have a bunch of other ideas floating around in my mind regarding further changes to the layout, although the chances of any of it coming to fruition is, admittedly, slim. It was a pain just trying to make the little edits I did to this layout – my HTML/CSS knowledge is stuck somewhere around 2006 and my PHP knowledge is non-existent – though having experience in C/C++ means I can just about analyse and edit existing PHP to do what I want. Its a little frustrating trying to translate the images in my mind to the screen. I remember how much I used to enjoy this challenge though. I used to love coding when it came to my web site. When I thought about going on to learn programming as part of my degree I was actually quite excited. I even contemplated going into robotics and mechatronics! Thank goodness I stuck to electrical and electronic engineering. My degree killed any spark of interest in coding I had. I realised just how hard it was, and just how terrible I was at it, and it frustrated me, it still frustrates me. It feels like something an engineer should be able to do. I should be able to handle programming but I’ve never been able to wrap my head around it. I can’t even handle MATLAB, and that’s definitely something pretty much every engineering graduate can do these days.

So staring at those lines of code in my theme, not quite being able to grasp it, just triggers those feelings of inadequacy and frustration. I should learn how to be content with using themes as is, but then it would be pointless having my site self-hosted wouldn’t it? And it wouldn’t…feel right. I want to make my site mine in some way.

Oh and I’ve also just discovered WordPress has a full screen writing view. How great is it? I really like the new color schemes for the dashboard too. Finally WordPress is becoming a bit sleeker and less cluttered. Its a much nicer writing environment than it was.


Today I had my Italian listening test. It was kind of weird. I’ve never done an language at GCSE or A level so I didn’t know what to expect. It seems to do a listening test you get a laptop with headphones, and the CD with the test plays through the laptop whilst you still answer in a paper booklet. It was quite interesting. But typically mine was the CD that didn’t play, resulting in an awkward 5 minutes at the beginning waiting for someone to come fix it. Once the test finally began it was OK. Everything worked. The actual act of answering the questions was not amazing and I’m not expecting much from my results.

To be honest I didn’t really care.

I felt terrible this morning. Actually I’ve been feeling terrible since Friday. My anemia was showing signs of improvement, but by Friday I was dizzy, nauseous, had a headache, tired. The whole works. By about midnight Friday I could barely focus I was so dizzy and I honestly thought I was going to start throwing up. Did not feel nice at all. It didn’t improve of the weekend and when I woke up today it was much the same. I dragged myself in for the exam and just did whatever, not even caring (strangely I’d been worried about it over the weekend but when push came to shove I was feeling to crappy to actually care). I was so grateful when the exam was over. I called my mom and asked her if I could come home and she said yes. I did come home with plans to do some revision, spend the day usefully because I just felt a bit rubbish, I wasn’t dying or anything. I just couldn’t face being in school, all the noise and being around people.

However I ended up coming home, having some breakfast and then lying down on my sisters bed (it’s sunnier in her room :D)and pretty much not moving for almost 5 hours. I stared into space, read a lot and attempted to nap. I couldn’t really sleep because something kept waking me up ¬_¬ But lying down reading in the sun was so relaxing and for once my mind wasn’t in 10 places at once which was an amazing feeling.

(I’m also happy to say I finally finished two out of three books I’ve had ongoing! Lately I haven’t been able to concentrate so I rarely read. But I finished them! The magicians by Lev Grossman, which I love and is absolutely beautiful and I highly recommended it (seriously, read it!).And Grotesque by Natsuo kirino which may be one of the few books which squicked me slightly, and also had a really lame ending and was kind of just OK. Nothing amazing, but interesting in parts.)

After 4 and a half hours of reading and resting, unable to sleep, I just felt really bored. So I got up and went on the computer. Still did nothing productive and still lovely. Not to worry about anything, not to think of anything and just rest like that.

I don’t know why but it’s different than the weekend. On the weekend I always have to battle my conscience telling me I should be doing this and that, and it’s hard to relax. But taking a day off I don’t feel that guilt. There’s nothing I should be doing because I have made the decision myself not to do anything. Sort of like “I am ill and I am going to rest. Try and stop me” If that makes sense. I’ve done no work today, and I’ve not felt guilty for it. Well, I almost feel guilty but I won’t allow it. Today was my day off. To rest, read, sleep, and not worry about everything. I feel relaxed and happy now. I needed today.

Though must say, feel better emotionally but don’t feel much better physically. I can’t take any more time off though, and really being ill is so boring might as well go into school. ^^

P.S: New Layout! Yes, it is bright green. : )