Welcome! Honest Lies is the personal site of a 26 year old graduate electrical engineer living in the UK. Covering every day life, books and various other randomness. Read more about me and the site here.

I’m not really impressed with the JYJ English album. Granted I only gave it one quick listen but it felt enough. I also really don’t like a lot of the pictures. How the hell they managed to make Kim Jaejoong look bad I’ll never understand. Back to the music. The songs are dull and the lyrics questionable. Their english is better than expected but nothing amazing and I feel that it is holding them back from fully expressing themselves. It sounds awkward at times, mumbled at others. Enunciation is everything (Though if I compare to what I hear on the radio, then enunciation is nothing. They’re doing fine.) On saying that I love track 3- empty. It’s so beautiful. Yoochun sounds a bit nasally in parts and I don’t like one part, but the rest is perfection. Even the lyrics aren’t at all bad. I’ve had it on repeat for a couple of days and I don’t think I’ll be getting sick of it any time soon ♥

But I just couldn’t say it out loud

The week has been mundane. Yesterday I went to Manchester though! My mom wanted to go with me so I agreed, on the condition that we split for a bit because I had things to do and I didn’t want my mom tagging along. My mom walks very slow so it’s painful for me to keep up with her. I physically can’t do it (my mom is very short whilst I am reasonably tall. go figure). Anyway. Got into Manchester at about 12:00. Spent some time with my mother then we split. I left her on the high street to shop and went to the post office to buy a package, then I went to get my second ear piercing. Yep- I got a new piercing! I was so nervous walking to the place. And then sitting there waiting and filling out the forms. But it wasn’t busy so I didn’t wait long. The place is really good. The staff at the front are so friendly and the place is clean and tidy. I’d checked it out before and had that impression but I’d never gone into the place where they did the piercing, obviously. That was just as clean. It was like being at a doctor. I felt really safe and the guy was really friendly and explained everything so I still felt nervous but not as much. And it was over so quickly! I saw the needles and had to fight the urge to run because they looked vicious but it’s a ridiculously quick process. It hurt a little, and it stung afterwards but nothing major. Getting it done with a needle was actually less painful than my first piercing which was done with a gun, though I think over the years I’ve developed a higher threshold of pain. I left there feeling pretty happy. I’d wanted this for ages so it felt a little like an accomplishment. XD It’s nice to do something crazy once in a while, too. Even if I did get an ear piercing, which is a very safe piercing compared to some of the ones you can get (I have had great fun looking at my information sheet which also has instructions for other types of piercing ranging from body piercing, ‘down-there’ piercings and the ever freaky surface piercings. I’m all for piercing, I really am, but surface piercings scare me. I’m sorry.)

After getting the piercing done I wanted to go to China Town and of course I got lost. I always get lost trying to find Manchester’s china town. I think it exists in a void of its own because I can never find it on first try. Ever. I did eventually find it and I went to the Chinese arts center and spent ages there. I love Manchester’s china town. After being to London’s and Liverpool’s I’ve realised that Manchester’s really is the best (Though the gate at Liverpool is the most impressive). I think it’s because of the Chinese art center. So many cute things to look at! I couldn’t resists buying even more stickers. And I noticed for the first time they sold Japanese magazines there but for like £10 an issue. I was shocked O_O I had an embarrassing moment because I didn’t have any cash on me and couldn’t pay with card, and had to nip out the bank. Thankfully they didn’t mind. I really hate it when that happens though :x After that I headed back to the high street to collect my mom because I wanted Thai food for lunch! The agreement at the start of the day had been that she’d pay for the train and I’d buy lunch, my choice. Unfortunately the place we found was closed and the other…didn’t seem to have an entrance. I was so disappointed; I really wanted Thai yellow curry. We ended up finding another nice place, and my mom got her Thai green curry like she wanted and I got Japanese curry. It was quite a nice place and the food wasn’t too expensive, if not cheap, and it was worth the price. The only reason I didn’t really enjoy it was because of my own fussiness. It contained some vegetables I didn’t like and it was all mixed up in a carton so it was hard to separate. Also I hate my food mixed up. Like with a curry, the curry has to be served separate from the rice. I’m weird like that :|

After lunch we headed back to the station. Just missed our train. I could have made it on my own but as I said- I was with my mother and she is slow. So we sat down and had ice cream to kill time. Only then did my mother notice my piercing. I was thinking she had seen it but decided not to say anything but no she only noticed then. After briefly shopping with me, walking to the first restaurant, walking to the second, and eating lunch with me. She wasn’t pleased. Though she has since come round to the idea. She is also helping me maintain it. I had definitely forgotten what a pain piercing are. Not getting them, but the healing period. My first piercing got infected and it wasn’t fun so I’m desperate for that not to happen with this one. I’m cleaning it twice a day as instructed, even though it hurts like hell. Also accidentally bumping the piercing when I take clothes on or off is painful. And trying to sleep last night was uncomfortable as I had to keep my head at certain angles so I didn’t press down on it. Such a pain, made falling asleep very hard. Just another two weeks to go though! It’s going to be a long two weeks isn’t it? I also have to wash it after washing my hair and refrain from playing with it, and also my first piercing which is right next to it. The latter is awful. I am already not biting my nails and now I can’t play with my earrings! I think I need one of those Japanese toys that allow you to pop bubble wrap repeatedly or something. I can’t really sit still and I’m slowly losing all my vices ¬___¬

Despite being mundane the week has been long and tiring. I had planned for today to be one of those days where I wake up really late and then lazy around doing as little as possible. I am pretty grouchy as my plan was destroyed when I was woken up far too early by the cat climbing on me, and of course she doesn’t realise that some bits are more sensitive than others. Hello paw digging into boob. Isn’t that a pleasant way to wake up? I really hate being woken up violently/painfully. Sometimes my sister likes to sit on me to wake me up and it always pisses me off (though it is an effective way of waking a person up). Though as it is I am currently a bit annoyed with our new cat. She woke me up today for one, and for two she keeps following me around and whining at me for attention. I play with her, I pet her, I see if she has food and water, I see if she wants to go out but she still won’t leave me alone. She is so demanding. I can’t take it! I feel like such a bitch towards this new cat but I can’t help it. I need my space. I miss my old cat. I know it’s terrible and I feel like a horrible person but I can’t help but think my old wouldn’t do XX and constantly compare the two. I have missed our old kitty since we lost him and this new cat just reminds me how much I miss him, instead of filling that void. It’s like it’s either old kitty or no kitty for me. Which is understandable with my personality. I don’t get attached to things, people or pets or anything, very easily so when I do (get attached) I take the loss hard and I have trouble letting go. I miss my old cat more than ever. :(

But yes. Woke up too early today after not getting to sleep easy due to being painfully aware of my piercing. I think tonight’s going to be one of those nights where I go to bed and stay up really late reading through Richard Siken’s crush in its entirety and I’ll feel kind of sad but kind of comforted at the same time. I need that right now. Hopefully tommorow I can sleep in as late as I like without being rudely awoken.

“I can’t live successfully yet but I think I can change”

You know how I said I wouldn’t ever go to anime club?

Well, I went.

I figured I should try it out and see how it went. You know, crawl out of my shell and stop avoiding life. I was also really worried about my maths work and wanted to get some studying done. Thus a plan was born- go into Liverpool, go to library and work for a bit, then go to the anime club. I could work on maths at home, but not really. Currently the program we use for maths can only be accessed on the university network. So I went in Thursday evening and did an hour and a half of work. I then headed across town, grabbed a quick bite to eat at Tesco (I am the person who queues for 10 minutes to pay for one 70p pastry) and then went to the anime meeting. It was very weird. I have been into anime/manga/everything for about 5 years but not once have I watched it with someone else. I went to watch Ponyo in the cinema…but I went alone. And I also watch my anime/whatever using headphones so it’s weird hearing it…without headphones. It was just very weird sitting in a room full of people watching anime. A room full of people who LIKE anime. A room full of people who talk about this kind of stuff, I presume, on a regular basis. I have never really talked about this stuff to anyone. It was also weird watching anime all the way through. I usually skip the opening/ending and I’ll pause every few minutes to go check my mail or do something else. I can never focus for long enough to watch something the whole way through!

They showed two episodes of two different series and there were breaks before and after. When I first got there I had to wait around as they set up and I talked to this one girl and it was very awkward. There were many of those long uncomfortable pauses as we pondered what to say to each other and failed to come up with anything. She asked me what I liked and I said I don’t watch much anime, more manga and then she asked me for favourite manga titles and I couldn’t, couldn’t tell her anything (really- idk what my favourites are and I know anything I could mention would be BL and no way am I admitting to reading that) so I fumbled over the question and probably came across as rude. It was awful. There was another break after the first showing of…something (dura dura I think? I couldn’t really see the screen. Some guys head totally obscured the subtitles so idk) and I just kind of sat alone and waited. Oh, awkwardness. I couldn’t bring myself to go talk to anyone. They were all already in groups of friends T_T The first anime shown was OK but the other one was some lame mecha. Oh man I had to sit through 30 mins of mecha. Ugh. I didn’t enjoy the experience and I also failed to make any friends. Won’t be going back/putting myself through that again.

It would have been nice after putting myself out there good things happen, but maybe I didn’t put enough effort in or maybe I just really suck at socialising and should just give up already. It’s too hard.

Also after the anime club I went to this pizza place for a very late supper (like 9:00pm by then) and it was empty apart from me and the guy making the pizza. The guy tried to strike up conversation with me and I just froze up. Only afterwards did I think of all the things that I should have asked and said. So typical of me. I felt quite pathetic after that little venture out, sitting all alone at the train station eating pizza and waiting for my train. I wanted to go home so badly. Although the train was nice and quiet and I could just chill out and read which was rather nice. I actually quite like the commute. I get a alot of reading done and I can go over lecture notes if I so wish.

Other than having no friends university is going OK. I am in on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. At the moment the work is relatively easy though I find my labs difficult already. Well not difficult, just confusing? Basically I suck at practical work. I didn’t manage to complete my first set of lab work, which is worrying as I’d guess it is the easiest one D: It was so difficult to concentrate in that lab session as it was like 2 hours? My first lecture was also difficult to concentrate in as it was about 1.5 hours long. I also admit to having to think way too much about the basic maths and science stuff I’m being taught atm and have come to the conclusion that GCSE and A levels has taught me NOTHING. Then again I have always sucked at basic maths. I had to slave to get through my C1 paper- which is the A level non-calculator paper. I was worried about lagging behind maths but I got through quite a few modules last week from ventures to the library. Next week I will also be good and I will go to the library mon/tues/wed after lectures/labs so I won’t have to go in on Thursday like this week and thus also have a valid excuse to avoid anime club (I’m not in the city! :D) I figure even if the maths is quite basic now I should take this opportunity to get into good habits so when it does get hard I’ll be prepared.

Also I think I have gotten used to Liverpool itself. Not enough that I know any shortcuts (I have a feeling I am taking the long way round for everything at the moment) but I know where everything I need to know is at least. I am currently spending a little too much money, which worries me. I spend about £3 or more on food a day. And I like to spend the commute time reading, so I’m spending a ridiculous amount on books too. Thankfully I haven’t gone shopping again, because armed with as much money as I have now (student loan!) I will have no willpower to stop myself from splurging. Mainly though PLEASE STOP ME FROM SPENDING ALL MY MONEY ON FOOD. It’s getting ridiculous.

Long Way

Updates for the past few days in bullet form because I am not feeling 100% and thus feeling incredibly lazy (more so than usual):

  • I had my last day of induction week on Thursday. I had to work as part of a group for part of the day and it was embarrassing. I was so nervous and I ended up rambling and saying things I should have really thought more about before I said them. I desperately willed myself to shut up but couldn’t. I always get this way. Seriously I told my sister this and she agreed I do this. Oh it was bad. I still haven’t made any friends and I don’t think I made a good impression on my group :x
  • I checked out the student union and didn’t see any clubs or societies that appealed, not really, and they are all in the evenings anyway so it’s not like I could go to any meetings (I’m in Liverpool in the mornings and sometimes afternoon). I somehow still ended up signing up for the anime club. fml. I don’t even like anime, or games. I sort of like Manga, but I mainly read BL these days and even then not often. I am really not an anime fan. I watch anime occasionally and it’s usually BL, or shoujo with hints of BL and anything with bishounen (pretty boys) in it. I have incredibly bad taste- there is no way I want to admit that I watch what I watch! But I had made this guy explain all about the club and he was looking at me so expectantly I couldn’t help but put my name down. I’m not going to any of the meetings. I’m not!
  • Also on that Thursday I had a massive 3 and a half hour break between things. Though I had a plan this time! I got lunch and then went to the Liverpool museum. It was really nice! Really small, because I have been spoiled by the Natural History museums in London and Manchester. But it was cool! They had some really nice displays. They also had a mini aquarium! I love aquariums. This one was tiny, but still I loved it. It also made me think back to going to the Nagoya Port Aquarium in Japan- which was possibly the coolest aquarium I’ve ever been too. Indeed, no other aquarium will compare. The display windows at Nagoya were so big, that the tiny ones in Liverpool really seemed so tiny in comparison :x But I still love Aquariums and it was really quiet, so much more so than Nagoya was, so I could take my time and have a really good look. It was similar level of quiet in all sections actually which was great. Oh and they had a bug section. I hate insects so I went into that section as a challenge to myself. I forced myself to stare at a tarantula for a good minute before I couldn’t take it anymore. Bugs and spiders freak me out :| They had stick insects though- which of course you had to search for XD I remember in South Africa once we found a Stick insect in our garden. They are really cool creatures. Anyway- it was a nice visit and a good way to kill some time. I do wonder what it says about my personality that I would rather go round a museum by myself than be around people but nvm. I did force myself to go to the student union after that and after that I went for a walk. I hope by the time I have my next too-long break I’d have some work to do or something. Though there are a few more museums and tourist attractions for me to check out XD
  • Met up with my best friend on Friday. Went shopping together! It was so nice to see her again, and to talk to someone other than my family XD I was terribly spacey that day due to my cold but it was still fun. She gave me my birthday present. I admit it’s quite nice to get a present now, months after my birthday. It’s nice to open up presents seemingly randomly. She got me the sweetest gifts: a motivational collage she made herself and some natural handmade soap she bought me from Italy. I am allergic to most soaps and stuff- but she knew this, and she thought of this because I can use it if it’s natural :D I was so happy. I almost feel worried that my present for her 19th won’t compare, but then it’s her 19th birthday. I’ll stress out about her 21st. Oh and I bought a couple of cheap items from Primark and a facial mask from Lush. That facial mask cost me almost £5 which killed me, until I used it and remembered just how good it was (I’ve used it before). I want my skin to clear up, even though I seemed doomed to forever have ugly skin T__T
  • We got a cat! My mom’s friend is moving into a temporary residence so she can’t keep her cat, and this we are looking after her cat for a few months! It is a black kitty with a fat body and short legs and it’s really fluffy XD She’s the cutest thing ever. I have missed our old cat these past years, and having a pet again is so wonderful. Though this cat is so clingy! She follows me around sometimes and it annoys me a little. But she isn’t vicious at all, so I can’t hate her. She’s really loving, and she loves to purr, and she is very playful. Really she is so lovely. I’m happy we have her, I think.

And that is it. I start university properly tomorrow which I’m not looking forward to for two reasons- a) I have a cold and don’t feel well and b) I start labs tomorrow. I suck at practical work. I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of my group any more than I probably already did on Thursday :| It’s going to be a long day tomorrow…