I’ve had a busy week thus far. I thought I had a test on Monday and an outing on Tuesday but was thankfully very wrong (and thankfully informed of my error). However I’ve still had a lot of maths work for the test next Monday (next Monday, self. remember these things for once). There is an exactly 50% chance of my passing/failing that test; I took the practice test 4 times and passed twice. I also had an assignment due in for this Friday which I found out about yesterday that I somehow managed to hand in today: it’s a little half asked but I tried! I mean I had to do a PowerPoint on a hobbie, so I did a fucking PowerPoint on baking. D: Those kinds of assignments are made for interesting people and people who are proud of their hobbies. I am not either. I am a private, very private, person with incredibly dull hobbies. I feel embarassed about the whole thing. And then for another part of the assignment I had to use Microsoft project for the first time in my life so idk if I did it right. I’m not sure I entirely care anymore. The library became my base these past few days- I go there and sit for hours. That’s the thing with Uni- it’s a lot of independent work and requires a lot of self motivation. Motivation? Whatever. I keep myself ‘motivated’ by packing a lot of snacks to munch on, because boredom makes me hungry and if I don’t have food my attention wanders. Anyway. I also have another assignment in next week and another assignment, group work, due for the end of the month (which I’m just not thinking about. Group work! Presenting in front of the class! ARGH). Despite all this I have spent this evening doing absolutely nothing. I have four days to do my assignment. Tonight I am doing nothing and doing it all without feeling guilty. Yeah, I’m a little stressed and a lot tired. I’m really worried about everything. I just want to relax and stop thinking about anything for a few hours. :/
Category: every day life
Comfort
I’m not feeling so great at the moment. I think it’s due to my sleeping patterns or rather the lack of them. I go to bed any time between 23:00 and midnight, and get up at various times depending on if and when I need to go into university. This week is particularly bad as my class this morning was moved forward so it started at 9:00am instead of the usual 10:00am so I had to get up at 6:00am today, and I will of course have to get up at the same time tomorrow. We’ll see if I actually manage to drag myself out of bed. When I wake it’s dark! When I’m waiting at the station it’s dark! It’s horrible. And exhausting. It’s amazing how sitting on a train doing nothing for an hour or more can make you feel so tired. I have a persistent headache at the moment and I sort of feel nauseous and light-headed, though that comes and goes. It could be another thing but it’s not the time, that should be next month. So judging by the disturbingly dark smudges under my eyes I’m guessing it’s that I need to sort out my sleeping habits and my weird schedule in general- three days a week of uni and the waking up early to commute and then three days of laziness. I’m all over the place lately :/
And so because I was feeling more than a little rough today and I wanted some form of comfort I turned to the best source of comfort known- food. I decided to treat myself to Japanese food at Yo, Sushi!. It’s a great place. I have been once with my sister and the food was delicious and reasonably priced, for Japanese food. We all know being a fan of Asian things isn’t cheap. So I went to the restaurant despite not really having the sort of money that allows me to splurge so (aka all i can afford right now is bring a packed lunch :|). I was good though and I didn’t have a lot- I had Tamago followed by Katsu curry. By this point I was full but I continued on for dessert of Japanese Pancakes. It was all delicious and I felt so wonderfully full afterwards. The restaurant was also not too busy- just the sort of right level that it’s got an atmosphere but it’s not crammed- and the staff were really nice in explaining how it works. :D I love Yo, sushi! and will be going back maybe next month- armed with student discount! I want nice Japanese food. I don’t even like sushi but Katsu curry? Terayaki chicken? All that sort of stuff that isn’t sushi or dominantly seafood? Yeah, I really love that. I will make myself even more broke than I am for that XD
Unfortunatly my headache didn’t go away, and the train back was exhausting simply because I couldn’t do anything to make time pass as I didn’t feel well enough, but I was pretty content after that. : )
trains
➔ The weather seems to be struggling to become winter at the moment. On Monday I thought it would be cold, wrapped up warm and it turned out to be a mild day, bordering on sunny. On Tuesday I wear shorts and tights and don’t even think of bringing an umbrella. I’m cold all day and around midday it begins to chuck it down and I’m left soaking wet. Today I wrap up, bring my umbrella because gdi I am not being cold or wet. It’s sunny today and not a drop of rain and I become the idiot carrying an umbrella for no reason. :| But it is bitterly cold- the sort of cold that gets under your skin and settles there.
➔ I have to wake up on 6am on Wednesdays. When I wake up its dark and by the time I’m on the train its pretty much light but the horizon is still tinged with pink. Frost lies on all the fields and there is a slight mist above the small lake I pass. Britain is at its most beautiful in the early hours of the morning, observed from a warm place inside, I think. It’s beautiful but just looking at it reminds me I’m supposed to be in bed, I want to be in bed, at such a time. It’s a horrible day. I ended up buying some Green Tea because I was desperate for some caffeine but didn’t want to drink coke in the morning and I wasn’t feeling masochistic enough to try and drink coffee. Green tea does have caffiene…right?
➔ I’m becoming scarily adjusted to the train. I notice that I get the same guys pushing the service trolley, I notice I get the same people checking my tickets, I notice I get the same people working at the station, I notice people who I have seen on the platform/on the train before. I know which side I need to stand at when the train is approaching the station. I know which platform my train arrives and leaves. I know the best time to stand up so I’m first off the train and don’t have to get stuck behind people. I can stand on the train and not hold on to anything! I have my favourite place to sit, and when there I kick off my shoes and put my feet up, using my coat as a blanket, and read whilst listening to music. I steal glances at the cute Asian guy sitting a few rows along from me. I might do some work.
Train travel is rather mundane.
➔ I also have a lot of waiting around time which I generally spend people watching. Today it was watching all the business people huddling in their professional clothes and wondering what it must be like to commute to London every day, and if those people standing around waiting for a train to Glasgow did that long commute every day and how it could possibly be rewarding (5 hours to Glasgow!). There was nothing interesting or stand out. I do see bizarre and interesting things though- A guy walking into the ladies toilets (seen this twice wtf), a women struggling to get off the train in heels- literally gripping the door and leaning against it in an effort to get down- and then proceeding to totter away across the platform (amusing, why wear those shoes if you cannot walk in them?), a guy almost getting stuck on a train leaving behind his wife and child who had already gotten off (thankfully the staff noticed and they delayed the train a moment to let him off), a couple arguing and the girl moving to sit away from her boyfriend and refusing to even look at him (he gradually got her to talk to him but she did not look happy), a train spotter with his camera poised and ready to take a picture of our departing train (I wonder why. It seems like such a boring thing to do. And if you are going to take a picture of a train- why a northern rail train? If I’d have to look at a train as something pretty I’d say Virgin trains or London Midland are far more good looking.)
➔ I’m glad this week of uni is over. Now I don’t have to worry about what to wear as I can sit around in my hoodie, guys t-shirt and sweat pants and NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. I will not be cold or get wet or be struggling to stay awake during long lectures. I finished my coursework too so I don’t have much work to do.
I love this part of the week.
“The sky is very wide, the way is very long”
I’ve been going through old posts from 2009 and deleting them. I like to do this every now and then, for the purposes of not having cluttered archives going all the way back to whenever. Must say it’s so strange reading through these posts about me talking about thinking about university, going to open days, my grades and exams. I don’t think any amount of open days and research could have prepared me for how things have turned out. I hope that after this year my plans for the future will unfold the way that I want to. I’m scared, I admit. I wonder if in a year I’ll be looking back at these old entries with the same sense of idk- bitterness? I don’t know. I can almost see where I went wrong though- was I too lazy? But at the same time I’m not really sure where it went wrong. It’s not wrong anymore, of course. Things are working out. I guess what I’m feeling right now is that although I don’t mind taking the long road, I do want to end up where I originally planned. Lately I’m worrying about things. Last week I was completely down, both due to hormones and me worrying about things incessantly. I didn’t want to get out of bed or do anything. It was a pretty bad week. I was late to everything and I slept through my alarm and missed my train on wednesday- not even going to one of my lectures. I’ve since sorted myself out, I think. Or at least this week was a lot better than the last. I’m still afraid though. Because honestly? I’m quite comfortable right now, actually quite happy. And that is petrifying. I’m waiting for the moment it all falls apart. (It’s kind of sad; I don’t know what it’s like to live without some kind of fear and worry.)
But back to right now. University is going OK. I think I’m settling into the routine. I have no friends but it’s not like anyone is unfriendly and I’m only in 3 days a week. The commute is killing me in many ways- because it’s long and I have to get up so early some days and it tires me out. Also public transport can be shitty with unexpected delays and cancellations which do nothing for my mood. My schedule is light though and I have a lot of time to catch up on sleep! Next week I have a test on Monday which I hope I’ll do well in, as it’s all fairly basic maths which I should know, and my first piece of coursework due in one Friday.. Other things I’m doing right now are a lot of nothing/the usual wasting time on the internet crap and I have started to learn for my driver’s theory! Tonight coming home from shopping my dad pointed at all the signs and road markings and I was surprised how much I knew without actually learning. I do need to get hold of the right books and do research into test dates for that. I want to at least pass my theory test this year. Also I put an application in to work at a local pub. I don’t think I’ll get it but at least I tried. I want to at least try this year. Even if I end up embarrassing myself or even if things don’t work out, I want to at least try.
But I just couldn’t say it out loud
The week has been mundane. Yesterday I went to Manchester though! My mom wanted to go with me so I agreed, on the condition that we split for a bit because I had things to do and I didn’t want my mom tagging along. My mom walks very slow so it’s painful for me to keep up with her. I physically can’t do it (my mom is very short whilst I am reasonably tall. go figure). Anyway. Got into Manchester at about 12:00. Spent some time with my mother then we split. I left her on the high street to shop and went to the post office to buy a package, then I went to get my second ear piercing. Yep- I got a new piercing! I was so nervous walking to the place. And then sitting there waiting and filling out the forms. But it wasn’t busy so I didn’t wait long. The place is really good. The staff at the front are so friendly and the place is clean and tidy. I’d checked it out before and had that impression but I’d never gone into the place where they did the piercing, obviously. That was just as clean. It was like being at a doctor. I felt really safe and the guy was really friendly and explained everything so I still felt nervous but not as much. And it was over so quickly! I saw the needles and had to fight the urge to run because they looked vicious but it’s a ridiculously quick process. It hurt a little, and it stung afterwards but nothing major. Getting it done with a needle was actually less painful than my first piercing which was done with a gun, though I think over the years I’ve developed a higher threshold of pain. I left there feeling pretty happy. I’d wanted this for ages so it felt a little like an accomplishment. XD It’s nice to do something crazy once in a while, too. Even if I did get an ear piercing, which is a very safe piercing compared to some of the ones you can get (I have had great fun looking at my information sheet which also has instructions for other types of piercing ranging from body piercing, ‘down-there’ piercings and the ever freaky surface piercings. I’m all for piercing, I really am, but surface piercings scare me. I’m sorry.)
After getting the piercing done I wanted to go to China Town and of course I got lost. I always get lost trying to find Manchester’s china town. I think it exists in a void of its own because I can never find it on first try. Ever. I did eventually find it and I went to the Chinese arts center and spent ages there. I love Manchester’s china town. After being to London’s and Liverpool’s I’ve realised that Manchester’s really is the best (Though the gate at Liverpool is the most impressive). I think it’s because of the Chinese art center. So many cute things to look at! I couldn’t resists buying even more stickers. And I noticed for the first time they sold Japanese magazines there but for like £10 an issue. I was shocked O_O I had an embarrassing moment because I didn’t have any cash on me and couldn’t pay with card, and had to nip out the bank. Thankfully they didn’t mind. I really hate it when that happens though :x After that I headed back to the high street to collect my mom because I wanted Thai food for lunch! The agreement at the start of the day had been that she’d pay for the train and I’d buy lunch, my choice. Unfortunately the place we found was closed and the other…didn’t seem to have an entrance. I was so disappointed; I really wanted Thai yellow curry. We ended up finding another nice place, and my mom got her Thai green curry like she wanted and I got Japanese curry. It was quite a nice place and the food wasn’t too expensive, if not cheap, and it was worth the price. The only reason I didn’t really enjoy it was because of my own fussiness. It contained some vegetables I didn’t like and it was all mixed up in a carton so it was hard to separate. Also I hate my food mixed up. Like with a curry, the curry has to be served separate from the rice. I’m weird like that :|
After lunch we headed back to the station. Just missed our train. I could have made it on my own but as I said- I was with my mother and she is slow. So we sat down and had ice cream to kill time. Only then did my mother notice my piercing. I was thinking she had seen it but decided not to say anything but no she only noticed then. After briefly shopping with me, walking to the first restaurant, walking to the second, and eating lunch with me. She wasn’t pleased. Though she has since come round to the idea. She is also helping me maintain it. I had definitely forgotten what a pain piercing are. Not getting them, but the healing period. My first piercing got infected and it wasn’t fun so I’m desperate for that not to happen with this one. I’m cleaning it twice a day as instructed, even though it hurts like hell. Also accidentally bumping the piercing when I take clothes on or off is painful. And trying to sleep last night was uncomfortable as I had to keep my head at certain angles so I didn’t press down on it. Such a pain, made falling asleep very hard. Just another two weeks to go though! It’s going to be a long two weeks isn’t it? I also have to wash it after washing my hair and refrain from playing with it, and also my first piercing which is right next to it. The latter is awful. I am already not biting my nails and now I can’t play with my earrings! I think I need one of those Japanese toys that allow you to pop bubble wrap repeatedly or something. I can’t really sit still and I’m slowly losing all my vices ¬___¬
Despite being mundane the week has been long and tiring. I had planned for today to be one of those days where I wake up really late and then lazy around doing as little as possible. I am pretty grouchy as my plan was destroyed when I was woken up far too early by the cat climbing on me, and of course she doesn’t realise that some bits are more sensitive than others. Hello paw digging into boob. Isn’t that a pleasant way to wake up? I really hate being woken up violently/painfully. Sometimes my sister likes to sit on me to wake me up and it always pisses me off (though it is an effective way of waking a person up). Though as it is I am currently a bit annoyed with our new cat. She woke me up today for one, and for two she keeps following me around and whining at me for attention. I play with her, I pet her, I see if she has food and water, I see if she wants to go out but she still won’t leave me alone. She is so demanding. I can’t take it! I feel like such a bitch towards this new cat but I can’t help it. I need my space. I miss my old cat. I know it’s terrible and I feel like a horrible person but I can’t help but think my old wouldn’t do XX and constantly compare the two. I have missed our old kitty since we lost him and this new cat just reminds me how much I miss him, instead of filling that void. It’s like it’s either old kitty or no kitty for me. Which is understandable with my personality. I don’t get attached to things, people or pets or anything, very easily so when I do (get attached) I take the loss hard and I have trouble letting go. I miss my old cat more than ever. :(
But yes. Woke up too early today after not getting to sleep easy due to being painfully aware of my piercing. I think tonight’s going to be one of those nights where I go to bed and stay up really late reading through Richard Siken’s crush in its entirety and I’ll feel kind of sad but kind of comforted at the same time. I need that right now. Hopefully tommorow I can sleep in as late as I like without being rudely awoken.