university – Page 12

“I have noticed that when things happen in one’s imaginings, they never happen in one’s life”

It has now been nearly two months since I came to Malaysia! I don’t know how long really? I’m not actually counting, you know. But it seems like a long time now. And I’ve fallen behind on blogging again, although I’m going to do my best to recap the past two weeks so I have some vague record of my life here. Sorry, but this will be another essay length blog post. Maybe breaking it into a list will be easier to read?

– KL! The Saturday before last I went into KL again because I really really wanted to go to KL aquaria. I wanted to head out early but I ended up arriving into KL in the afternoon. The trains were confusing although once I found which service I was using it was a breeze to buy a ticket and get on the right train to get into central KL. I arrived in the KLCC shopping mall where thankfully there were clear signs leading me to the aquarium. I stopped at Starbucks and treated myself to my monthly over priced coffee and an even more over price muffin. The muffin wasn’t even that great. The thing about baking is that no matter how terribe my baking is, I have become slightly used to it. I especially don’t like the heaviness of so many store bought muffins. Basically, I wished I could have made my own banana and chocolate cake and eaten that instead. I miss baking.
Anyway, it was then on to the aquarium, feeling more than a little buzzed from the coffee and the excitement. I was the only one there alone like always but most of the people there were tourists, so at least I didn’t stand out too much. The aquarium was good, the underwater tunnels especially. I love those tunnels and even though it wasn’t too busy when I went, it was still hard to linger. It should be easier. Also as much as I enjoyed the aquarium I emerged from it thinking “that was it?!” and there was no way for me to go back in and have another poke around to try and see if there was any bit I missed. I’m glad it was cheap otherwise I would have felt slightly cheated. This aquarium wasn’t as great as Nagoya Port Aquarium, or Cape Town aquarium, but oh well. Plenty more aquariums for me to see and to compare to each other.

Afterwards I wondered around a bunch of malls getting lost and not really buying anything. I stopped at little Tokyo in pavilion which was a bit disappointing. It’s rather small and there is not that much to see- just a lot to eat! I ate at one of the restaurants and I must have picked the wrong one as it was over priced and not so great, with annoying staff (it seems there is such a thing as too attentive.) Then I bought some macaroons for later, and some really fancy green tea for my dad. The green tea store was nice. I got to sample all the teas and the girl was chatting to me about them. I felt rather.. fancy. Then I wanted to go to Daiso but it was closed. Apparently opening in October. lol. I love Malaysia for stuff like that.

I ended up getting back really late. I got confused with my train changes, then when I eventually got to kl sentral I had to walk to the other/main kl sentral (and it was a bit dodgy the route) and then I had to buy a ticket, then wait for the train, eat my macaroons and discover that they weren’t so great, wait some more, get crammed on the train, eventually get back to town, wait for the bus. It took forever to get back and by that point I was fairly tired out. oh well. I had then had a lazy Sunday and then on Monday I skipped my afternoon lectures and headed into KL again. Just for grocery shopping, post office. Boring stuff, really. It was worth the long trek into KL for such mundane things though as my letters home would arrive within the week. Oh and I had Japanese cream puffs for the first time. They were so. good.
– Seoul! I stayed up until 3am on the phone to my dad the other night sorting out flights and hotels for…Seoul! I have a reading week coming up in November so I decided what the hell, I’m going to Seoul for a few days. (Why Seoul? Why not!!) I had the dates sorted and a hotel in mind but of course this is me, and I had to fuck up my planning in some way. My dad was literally about to book my flights before I remembered that I should check my lab timetable so I stopped him, opened my timetable and saw that I had a lab right in the middle of when I was going to go. I felt sick, shaky. How could I do this? I hastily recovered as best as I could and in the end got the new dates that would not interfere with my labs, although I am only going for 3 nights now. I felt wretched- almost like throwing up. My dad asked if I was excited once everything was booked and I should have been but I felt too awful.
I was so nervous that I had got it wrong again. That something would reveal itself to interfere with those dates. I know its over acting but shit, I always do this. I am 20 years old and I just cannot manage to be organized. I miss lectures because I don’t know what room I’m in, or because I think they start an hour after they actually do. I mess up my lab assignments because I spend all my time doing the wrong one first (Yes, this happened to me last week. Gosh, I was so disappointed in myself. The thing was I wrote such beautiful code for the first one, it showed that i spent time on it, and the second was half asked and just terrible). It makes me feel pathetic and utterly disgusted with myself. I am way past the age where I need someone to hold my hand and tell me what I need to be doing.

Later, I found out that reading week was the week before I thought it was. Of course it was. By that point I could only roll my eyes at myself and push down that sick, shaky feeling again. In the end I am only missing lectures on one day now because of this trip and I don’t care anymore, at least I’m not missing labs. I can only be thankful I checked my lab timetable before my dad confirmed those flights and things are working out. Because at the end of the day, I am going to Seoul! It is going to be awesome. Its a place I’ve always wanted to go to but never wanted to spend £1000s on the flights there, nor too long there. Three days is enough for me to shop and sight see (and visit the aquarium, of course :P) and I’m staying in a really nice hotel. I’m even flying with Malaysia airlines, instead of going the cheap route and picking air asia. Because air asia wasn’t that much cheaper. I almost can’t believe that I’m actually going in a matter of weeks. My life is so surreal right now, its a wonder I’ve not had a break down yet.
– University! The flip side about going to Seoul in just a few weeks is that well, its November already. The weeks are just passing by and I’m still struggling to concentrate in lectures, and I’m really behind on my revision. And I’m being really lazy and disorganized when it comes to getting my lab work done on time and to a decent standard. I’m totally half asking it right now. It’s a little worrying how I’m still behind, and still struggling to care about that fact. :/

Listening To: Hyuna - bubble pop -areia remix-
mood: OK

“This helpless heart and these scars”

Remember the rant about not going anywhere alone by myself? Yes, so I ended up saying screw that and went into KL by myself last Friday. I was technically supposed to go with my friend, but she wanted to go in the afternoon, and she was heading off somewhere else afterwards so I would have just had to take the train back by myself anyway. So I decided to just go by myself. I had my lecture then I went back, freshened up before heading to get the bus. I was terribly nervous about the whole thing. I even had to ask someone if I was getting on the right bus because even if I knew it was, I had to have it confirmed. I couldn’t have anything go wrong. the thought of ending up somewhere unfamiliar was a very real fear.

The bus journey was as long and boring and slightly nerve wracking as always ( The university buses are fairly old and the bus drivers aren’t the best drivers, which is putting it mildly. its a bit of a loud, shaky, creaking ride.) I got off at the station then bought my ticket to mid valley, which was insanely cheap like a lot of things here. (I will suffer going back to the UK where everything is so very expensive) I then went and stood on the wrong side of the platform for a bit before I realised and went to climb up a set of stairs where the stairs were very subtlety, but very definitely, of different heights, to the other platform. I waited there, standing alone clutching my handbag and trying not to notice curious glances from those around me. I don’t know if I was the only foreigner there, but I was the only obvious one.

The train came eventually and you know, I’ve heard really bad things about Malaysian transport that I imagined the trains would be like the worst northern rail trains, the really old ones they use for the early trains before 7am, co incidentally when you spend the most on the ticket. Instead the trains were clean and air conditioned and get this- woman only carriages! I had heard about the woman only carriage but is one thing to hear of it and to be on it. it was lovely. I’ll hazard a guess that the only bad thing about Malaysian transport is that it is flaky when it comes to time- it never comes on the time it says or even near it. (Like a lot of things here, really.) But otherwise it was fine. At first I had the moment of “am I on the right train?!” panic but a lit up map dissuaded those fears and I felt myself relax a little, felt myself lose my anxiety about the whole thing not being safe and altogether a very bad idea. I sat down and read on my phone/kindle and no one bothered me and in no time I was in mid valley.

I got off the train and took the classic approach to finding your way in a foreign place- follow the crowds. That way i ended up in mid valley just fine. There are plenty of obvious foreigners in KL and the place was large and modern so I realized that, perhaps It was not a bad thing to go by myself at all.

I ended up spending around 5 hour trekking around mid valley, every corner of every floor I am fairly sure. I can’t say I enjoyed myself that much. At first it was fine, but after the first couple of hours…shopping is fun when its being done more for an excuse to go out, maybe hang out with some mates, just have a browse. when its for a purpose it is an evil, time consuming monster. Because its obvious that once you start looking for something you won’t find it. Especially in this country where everything is small, extra small and shoes don’t come in sizes bigger than 5, perhaps a small 6 and forget wide fit. I felt fairly gross and misshapen by the end of it all. I made the mistake of thinking a British brand would have my shoes size and the shop assistant actually laughed at me “we don’t get that size here!” Lovely. It is also hard to find certain other things here. You know what, I am going to be tmi now because this is one of the things that no one ever writes about when they go abroad and its one of the things you’d wish someone would tell you beforehand. that is? having your period here sucks. I could not find the painkillers I usually take, the towels suck and the bins in the ladies bathroom? are OUTSIDE the stalls so you have to carry your waste out in front of everyone. of course not in kl, but here on campus it is like that. it was an embarrassing, painful thing this month.

yes. that was tmi and a little embarrassing to write but hey- if any woman reading this is coming to Malaysia or moving here, be prepared!

Eventually I got the train back, this time it was crowded and there was a police officer on the carriage to check we were all female, and ended up standing at the station for a while waiting for the bus which was nerve wracking as I had stupidly let myself come back in the dark. I could have missed the bus- it stopped at a weird spot- but because of that I finally mastered the art of crossing the road in Malaysia- just walk across, head up high, do not look. the amazing thing is that walking out like that the cars really do slow and stop and let you go. For a foreigner its terrifying- so ingrained are we to stop, look and listen- but here in Malaysia you don’t wait otherwise you’ll be waiting forever. You find an opening and just go, darting around the traffic and hoping for the best. So yes, I made the bus and ended up back at halls, tired out but with most of what I set out to buy. I even found a pair of shoes eventually, right at the last minute in fact, and they don’t fit well but at least I do not have to physically cram them onto my feet like one of Cinderella’s ugly step sisters.

I then had a very lazy weekend of eating lots of chocolate and getting very little work done, and a long week of too many boring lectures and labs. Due to aforementioned hormones I have been in a bit of a mood all week, and it doesn’t help that I am really struggling with uni, still. I just do not understand it at all and when I sit down to work through the problems it takes me hours to do just a handful of questions and I still cannot get to grips with it. And don’t get me started on labs. My log book is a mess, a terrible, unorganized mess. My lab partner is sweet but doesn’t speak English very well and I have a feeling he wishes I were more intelligent so that I would take over and make it perfect which is just not going to happen. at all. I’ve not been sleeping well this week either- can’t fall asleep, disturbing dreams, eventually struggling to wake up. I’m tired and irritable, I can’t concentrate or settle down, and its really not been a good week. I just cannot believe that I’m struggling this much already, and I’m already worrying about exams. This year my marks really count as I have to get 55% or more to be able to get onto the honours course. It weighs on my mind.

I was hoping that another trip out would clear my mind and help me to settle down to my work, and planned to go into central KL today to check out KLCC and the aquarium, but I slept through my lecture and then ran out of time to logistically have a good day in KL. I should have spent the day doing my work instead but alas, once more I procrastinated beautifully. Perhaps it was a good thing I didn’t go in todayy., and it rained most of the afternoon. The rainy season must be coming up soon as the weather is getting wetter and wetter. The thunder is so extreme sometime I can see the water in my bottle shaking. My lights just went off briefly before flickering back on.

Tomorrow I shall risk the weather and go out, and then hopefully I will be able to settle down to do my work, and that magic moment will happen where it just clicks and I get it. I can hope.

Listening To: 12012 - Swallow
mood: restless

“The dawn was breaking the bones of your heart like twigs. You had not expected this”

I wrote a long ranting blog post yesterday and I sincerely hope that you are wondering what I am talking about – as I set it to private and I really hope it stays that way. its one of those embarrassing posts that reads like i am still 15. I am enjoying Malaysia more than that post would indicate although obviously its not perfect because this is real life and nothing is perfect. Right now I am not enjoying the fact that I cannot go alone anywhere. I can walk around campus by myself but i cannot just nip into the nearby towns or kl by myself. Even grocery shopping has to be a group outing, how ridiculous is that? It is driving me crazy. I nearly said screw this and got on the train to KL today, but my friend stepped up and stopped me. I am somewhat grateful for her intervention. It would not have been my wisest decision to take the train alone. Still, i am hating this feeling of being trapped. being an obviously foreign (aka white) young women sucks in this situation. I need to go out and buy some stationery and new shoes and in the UK I could just do that- here it has to be planned beforehand and arranged so that other people can go with you- ugh.

Apart from that, there is the obvious- the HEAT. I did a rough estimate of how much i had spent on air conditioning so far and the result shocked me enough that i have banned myself from turning it on until the bill runs over to the next month, so i am sitting here quietly dying. (Just for record, It’s 28 degrees C and 74% humidity in my room as I type this…) Last year i spent time in the library to escape the noise of halls, this year i may find myself there for the free air conditioning! :P As much as I would like to say i am getting used to the heat by this point, i am really just getting used to being hot and feeling thoroughly gross because of it. (And likely looking it, I am a sweaty mess. also although my mascara and liner is fairly flood proof but my foundation melts away almost as soon as I put it on which is annoying…) i have started to tan however, in a very patchy and selective manner, but still, its happening. :D

It does rain here quite frequently- proper storms, fat rain drops falling heavily, the fresh smell in the air, lightning that lights up the whole sky and thunder that dosn’t just rumble in the distance, but crashes loudly like its right beside you. it was rather exciting the first time it happened- I went out for a walk so i could watch it. The storms also have the benefit of cooling everything down for a moment. although after the storm it becomes even more humid.

I am sort of getting used to the food although I sill crave home cooked food- fresh baking, potatoes that are not greasy fries but in the form they should always be- roasted until golden and soaked in gravy, or boiled until crumbling and made into creamy mash, or cut thickly, seasoned, and baked for hours to form cottage fries. I long for sausages and sausage meat balls and salami and pancetta. I also have a feeling after this year I am never going to want to eat another grain of rice or noodles ever again. some of the dishes I have tried have not been great and I really cannot appreciate how dodgy some of the meat is here- but I have found some dishes I like, even if i do pick out the bits I don’t. My friend remarked to me the other day that she had never realised how picky I was, which was awkward and embarrassing as I thought that I usually do a great job of hiding it. I actually thought that over the past few years I had actually done a great job expanding my tastes- – I really did think that- clearly I was wrong/delusional.

right now, I am mostly fretting about university. Last week was very relaxed, some lectures were cancelled as lecturers were away, labs hadn’t started, most of the lectures were introductory so it was ok to be late to them or to zone out during them (I overslept on Thursday and was an hour late to my lecture. I know, already. I am good job) Next week though I start my practical project work, which I do with one other person. Help. I also start programming again which i am dreading.D: I am already well into maths lectures, the only lectures which started properly reaching last week, and I am already lost. In short, I am struggling to adjust to being back at university. I should have studied properly today, but I got an hour in and I got bored. All the days before that I did nothing too. I still go to bed far too late, and even if it is true that I am struggling to fall asleep, i should still be making more of an effort to get back into university mode, instead of stubbornly clinging to holiday mode.

Also, its still awkward socially. I am in an irritable, anti social mood due to the aforementioned trapped feeling – so I think, in a way, without even realizing it, I have been attempting to sabotage the tentative friendships I made with the international students. I need to get over myself already, but usually when i reach this stage I’d be taking a fast paced walk to tesco to buy chocolate to accompany a weepy movie (at uni), or I’d be on a train into liverpool for a day out shopping (at home). just something to get me out of my room and away from my house (at home) or on campus (at uni). things I cannot do here. I need to figure out new ways because I have a feeling that by this point I am even annoying my friend who I came with. I don’t think its a good sign that I am annoying my best friend.

I have also spoken more to the guy i met on Monday and its just as awkward as it ever is. another guy randomly told me his name right at the end of lecture, so that went nowhere, and another guy started conversation with me and then the next day I was sitting right next to him and I just- totally ignored him like the awful person I am. in the end, its all my fault that I am not doing so well at the socialising stuff. but what else is new? i don’t like people and I try to be an adult and to force myself but it just- it just doesn’t work. like I can’t hide the fact I am a picky eater, I cannot hide my discomfort around people. I wish I could be more mysterious, instead of being so obviously anxious around people, so obviously flustered and embarassed (mostly by some of the things I blurt out in a desperate attempt to say something, anything). its as it ever is- i need people so i can go out and explore, so that i can have help with my work etc but I don’t need their company and conversation tires me out. I feel like such a bitch right now. more than anything, i wonder if I am really suited to studying abroad- the other people are far more social and outgoing than I am :/

Listening To: After School - Playgirlz [album]
mood: ok

“I believe that she smiled in self-defense, using the open vulnerability of her smile as a shield, the way a puppy bares its neck to a stronger dog.”

On Saturday I went into Kuala Lumpur for the first time. The university had organised a tour for the new international students, and it was cheap and I sort of have to socialise, even though it makes me feel tired, so I dragged myself out of bed and I went. Besides, i had been wanting to go into the city, and I am at a loss as how the trains work here to try and get there myself!

The bus journey was quite long,spent chatting amongst the acquaintances i have made here. We stopped in Putrajaya first. The sun was intense, almost blinding, and it was hot as I explored, taking many photos of everything because it was all so pretty. I had also never seen a Mosque before this and it was magnificent. i did not go in though, for i did not feel like taking of my shoes or donning a pale pink robe so i slipped away when no one was looking and walked until i bumped into the person i had been sitting next to on the bus. we spent some time just chatting before we all of us piled back on the bus and headed into kl. KL has certain things that reminded me of Singapore, but they are not alike. I’m not sure if I was expecting them to be more or less similiar?

Anyway, we first stopped at the KL tower for lunch at the revolving restaurant. I definitely ate too much, piling my plate high with delicious food, and even higher with delicate, attractive looking cakes. I ate, ate some more, wondered around the place taking pictures, ate some more, stole some food from someone else to eat even more and in the end felt quite sick. Serves me right, really. It was just all so nice. :/ We unfortunately did’t have time to explore more of the tower, for we had to be back on the bus and to our next destination- the cocoa boutique. This was a random stop, and slightly unwelcome when we were all full to the brim. If they had brought us there when were hungry we may have been enthusiastic but as it was i took all the chocolate samples and bought nothing, and left early with a couple if friends to walk around the rest of the Malaysia tourist center. I did see a giant chocolate dragon there though, so. Not a complete waste of time? Then we were dragged to a photo spot to take picture in front of the twin towers. then, finally, finally, it was to the mid valley mall and shopping time! Except I had to hunt through supermarkets trying to find washing powder I was not allergic to (I’m allergic to biological…) which took much longer than I thought, because even KL doesn’t have it! A panicked text conversation with my father I managed to settle on some plant based stuff. though its worrying and unexpected that they don’t seem to have non bio here. hoping the plant stuff works :/

in the end I only had time to nip into watsons and allow myself to be coaxed into buying a foundation by an overly friendly sales girl. The girls in watsons/gaurdian/makeup stores are so clingy. But I found that in a lot of shops in Singapore as well as here. The girls will hang by as you browse and even when you tell them when you are browsing they will still stand by your shoulder, watching, trying to give you sales talk. Its like, back off, I am just browsing! I was in the mood to be coaxed into purchasing though, and happily accepted this girls guidance. I have a feeling I will spending a lot of time in watsons, and a lot of money, in the future. :|

I ended up rushing back to the bus but I thankfully made it on time. Tired out fro the long day, the long week, i quietly listened to music and stared out the window, ignoring everyone and thing. The next day, I took a long, much needed lie in and then spent the day lazily, working through my chores slowly, leisurely walking into campus to get food, just taking it all slow, talking to no one, keeping to myself, trying to prepare myself for Monday.

Because today, all too soon, was my first day of second year. I woke up feeling reasonably relaxed, but at around 8.40am realized I had a 9am lecture and things started to go wrong from there. I left my room at 9am and raced to the classroom, only to find myself lost, only to race to another classroom, only to realize it was the wrong one, to race to another classroom and finally, I was nearly 30 minutes late. Thankfully it was not an important lecture, just admin type stuff, and I now know my way around campus reasonably well after running around it like a mad thing. The first lecture was dull and it was hard to concentrate after a long, lazy summer and I was glad when it ended an hour early. I went back to my room to freshen up and finish getting ready for the day before my next lecture. I sat down at the back of the lecture hall as I did. One of the boys came up and said hello and I turned, startled, expecting to see someone behind me, but there was no one there, and he started to talk to me, and then he asked me to go sit down next to him and his friends.

It was unexpected, to say the least, but I grabbed the opportunity and then stumbled through conversations with him, feeling awkward, not really sure what to say. After the long lecture, an actual lecture this time which was quite overwhelming second thing on a Monday morning just back after summer break, he asked me to join him for lunch and even though I badly wanted to say no and run in the other direction, I nodded. Then, he bought me lunch. That was just strange. I felt like a fool holding out the money to the guy at the stall only to be told it had been paid for, and slightly flustered. I am not used to such random kindness, and I couldn’t help become even more nervous, almost panicked. “What does he want from me?” I couldn’t help but think. I don’t trust in people being kind just for the sake of being kind. We ate and then parted, I bumped into my other friend and hung with her until my other tutorial, which contained nothing important and was very dull, and then finally it was my last lecture of the day where I again bumped into the guy before and we chatted some more and i honestly have no idea what I said and this bugs me. When the lecturer failed to turn up we left the room and he took me to the library and helped me print my notes- and it continued to be very strange how nice he was- and then we got drinks and he invited me to play pool with him and his friends and I…said no.

I know. I should have been desperate and clingy and shameless and said yes, but I had been nervous and on edge all day for various reasons and I gave into my desire to turn tail and run. Besides, the little voice reminded me, he was only being polite, he didn’t really want me there. I was filled with doubt, and I was scared, so I ran. I am hoping he doesn’t feel annoyed, and that he will still be friendly, because he was the only one to approach me. I thought that everyone would be very cliquey and keep to themselves, so I was grateful that someone reached out, as I was at a loss as to where to begin to integrate myself into this group. its second year after all, everyone has already had a year to make friends. Also- not only am I one of less than 10 girls this year, but also the only Caucasian. To say i stand out is an understatement.

I am slightly terrified of what will happen tomorrow.

Listening To: Olivia - alone in our castle

Recorded Butterflies

Hello from Malaysia! I am currently writing this sitting in my room on campus. My suitcase lies on the floor still unpacked, and my shelves are crammed with cleaning supplies I still haven’t gotten round to using. I am avoiding cleaning and long showers and even going to bed as there are many, many spiders lurking in various nooks in my room. The past two days have been hectic and it is very weird to think that I have not spent a longer time here. Not because i feel settled or anything. Oh no, it feels like am on a very strange holiday and I will be going home soon, like this is not quite real.

Moving day came quickly. I was pretty unorganised despite my packing list which proved quite useless when I realised my suitcase was hopelessly overweight. I ended up leaving behind most of everything. The flight was long and exhausting, but the seat in the middle of my row was fortunately free the entire time,and the guy sitting at the last seat was pretty nice. Eventually I was in Singapore, gawking at the huge, shiny airport, in a state of excitement and nervousness for being there. How to even begin talking about what I did in Singapore? It was only a few days but my friend and I did and experienced so much in that time. Things that stand out? I think the bus journey to the hotel and stepping into the hotel for the first time, just staring at it all in amazement that I was actually there, and later window shopping in orchard road and making my first in store laneige and etude house purchases, eating curry udon that was too hot at nearly midnight whilst sitting overlooking the river at clarke quay, messing about in the long bar with my friend as we drunk or slings . There are so many good memories.And it was a good few days to have fun and ease into Asia- to have that time in Singapore to get over jet lag (I spent my first day in Singapore in bed, fighting dizziness and nausea and exhaustion but by the next day I was cool) and to adjust to the heat (the humidity, too. cannot forget that lovely sticky, sweaty feeling) and to experience this side of the world as a tourist first. not everything was perfect, of course. I was still taking my antibiotics and it was annoying to remember to take them. there were also a couple of moments where things were a little tense between my friend and I, and a few times when i did something awkward which was embarrassing but thankfully our friendship survived. overall, it was a great trip.

Then it was on to Malaysia. The flight was only about 30 minutes, but there was no one from the university to meet us at the airport so we had to wait for 2 hours for them to come, without anything to eat or drink and our baggage unclaimed. Eventually they came and we went through immigration and found our baggage lying unattended by the belt. Both my friend and I were furious. The university has not been particularly organised about this whole affair, and this ws the icing on the cake. We did make it to the campus eventually and got checked in to our accommodation.

From then on its been quite hectic. The days aren’t busy but there is so much to take in that every day is quite exhausting. It’s really quite different here. The weather is hot as hell, my room is filled with creatures I am terrified of, the food is ridiculously cheap but overwhelming in its sheer unfamiliarity. the drinks here are good though. There is this one shop that sells fresh juice blended with ice, which is heavenly and I’m helplessly addicted. I also tried bubble tea the other day, and it was nice but a little too sweet and milky to have an entire glass of. I am trying to be open minded and to try things, but it really is so hard to know just what to try and the portions are so large and its so hot that you barely even want to eat! Went to subway today and it was wonderful. The breaks for western food no matter how crappy it is are really so lovely, and I am not sure if I should feel embarrassed about this. I’m just not used to Asian food!

I’m also starting to understand why groups of international students always stick to each other in the UK- as these past few days me and the other students from the UK have been getting to know each other, and sticking close to each other. I’m pleased to know people though, although in truth it is thanks to my friend I came with that I know these people. :/ We’ve been out grocery shopping together and today we visited the town close to the university and were embarrassing tourists while trailing around the malls. its a small campus so we bump into each other frequently, and generally we gather together to have drinks or eat at the food courts. Everyone is quite nice and it is OK to hang around them, but at the same time it is so nerve wracking going through this process of making new acquaintances all over again. This is my third time already and I still cannot make small talk! I am surprised by how much I am enjoying myself despite this, every one really is quite nice and very friendly, although i am very tired. it is exhausting being around people so often, and overwhelming trying to settle in and trying to get everything done that needs to be done in regards to admin type things. as i said, everything is very hectic and the days feel long, even though they seem to be passing quickly.

I don’t miss home just yet, thankfully. Instead I somewhat superficially am longing for the things i left behind- the books i still wanted to read, the foundation i thought i could buy here but can’t, my collection of nail polishes, my favourite bed sheets even. these are the little things that made up my life back there, and the absence of them is what really makes me so feel so far away. So far i’ve skyped my family often, and i text my dad all the time, so it doesn’t feel bad yet that i cannot see them. adjusting to the time difference is a little weird, when i call my dad and he is about to have supper while i’m about to go to bed!

overall I am really just trying to settle into this place, trying to find some routine and trying to do things and eat things that might make me uncomfortable because I want to enjoy my time here. because thats always what makes one feel settled isn’t it? knowing people and knowing where to go, what to eat, thinking of my crappy room in halls as home. I really want to start to feel more settled here, and for it to sink in already that I am living here. Most of all I hope I enjoy this.

Listening To: Kisumai - Shake it Up
mood: exhausted

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