JAPAN HOLIDAY IS BOOKED. 26th July-4th August. Plane tickets booked, tour booked, and found a good company to rent a cellphone from (I get to play with a Japanese cell for 10 days! My phone was the latest model in 2005. I am so happy to get hold of some modern technology!). Japan has always been this distant dream of mine, something I only saw in photos, read about and imagined. I never prepared myself for the reality I would actually end up going there. I am scared to be excited, because then I’ll expect things and most likely end up dissapointed but… I AM SO EXCITED DESPITE MYSELF. I need this holiday, and I need it to be by myself.
My Dad went to Switzerland for a couple of days on business and of course he brought us back a little something. He brought back chocolate. Swiss Chocolate. Really, it is amazing.
Anyway, Thursday and Friday were the second to last and last days of school respectively. We were still on timetable but lessons were lazy and teachers weren’t as bothered with our behaviour.
The last lesson yesterday everyone was off timetable and we gathered in the big drama studio for our last assembly together. It involved speeches by our head of year, bad dancing by a group of the boys- including dancing to S CLUB 7 (remember them? :P)– and games. It was OK, amusing in parts though I had a headache by the end as it was so loud. And I mean I don’t even know half of the people in my year! Though at the end of the day I know of them. If that makes any sense. There is a certain familiarity, and it’s strange to think that next year I’m not going to be part of that year group, I’m going to be surrounded by totally different people. Absolute and utter strangers.
There’s something safe about the way everything is now. Sometimes it’s maddening, the whole routine, how nothing ever changes, being surrounded by people you often wonder what the hell you have in common with (are they really friends?). But it’s safe, comfortable at the same time. ‘The comfort zone.’ But that’s over. Either next year if I get the grades I’ll be off in university, different place, new degree, surrounded by strangers or I’ll have to repeat a year and have to familiarise myself with the lower year group, who are also pretty much strangers which will be slightly more in the comfort zone, but still a little out. Everything’s changed. Last day of school is over. Seven long long long years been at that school, and it’s all coming to end.
It’s strange how quick everything is going. Time is passing really quickly, no matter how slowly it feels like it should be going.
Today I had my Italian listening test. It was kind of weird. I’ve never done an language at GCSE or A level so I didn’t know what to expect. It seems to do a listening test you get a laptop with headphones, and the CD with the test plays through the laptop whilst you still answer in a paper booklet. It was quite interesting. But typically mine was the CD that didn’t play, resulting in an awkward 5 minutes at the beginning waiting for someone to come fix it. Once the test finally began it was OK. Everything worked. The actual act of answering the questions was not amazing and I’m not expecting much from my results.
To be honest I didn’t really care.
I felt terrible this morning. Actually I’ve been feeling terrible since Friday. My anemia was showing signs of improvement, but by Friday I was dizzy, nauseous, had a headache, tired. The whole works. By about midnight Friday I could barely focus I was so dizzy and I honestly thought I was going to start throwing up. Did not feel nice at all. It didn’t improve of the weekend and when I woke up today it was much the same. I dragged myself in for the exam and just did whatever, not even caring (strangely I’d been worried about it over the weekend but when push came to shove I was feeling to crappy to actually care). I was so grateful when the exam was over. I called my mom and asked her if I could come home and she said yes. I did come home with plans to do some revision, spend the day usefully because I just felt a bit rubbish, I wasn’t dying or anything. I just couldn’t face being in school, all the noise and being around people.
However I ended up coming home, having some breakfast and then lying down on my sisters bed (it’s sunnier in her room :D)and pretty much not moving for almost 5 hours. I stared into space, read a lot and attempted to nap. I couldn’t really sleep because something kept waking me up ¬_¬ But lying down reading in the sun was so relaxing and for once my mind wasn’t in 10 places at once which was an amazing feeling.
(I’m also happy to say I finally finished two out of three books I’ve had ongoing! Lately I haven’t been able to concentrate so I rarely read. But I finished them! The magicians by Lev Grossman, which I love and is absolutely beautiful and I highly recommended it (seriously, read it!).And Grotesque by Natsuo kirino which may be one of the few books which squicked me slightly, and also had a really lame ending and was kind of just OK. Nothing amazing, but interesting in parts.)
After 4 and a half hours of reading and resting, unable to sleep, I just felt really bored. So I got up and went on the computer. Still did nothing productive and still lovely. Not to worry about anything, not to think of anything and just rest like that.
I don’t know why but it’s different than the weekend. On the weekend I always have to battle my conscience telling me I should be doing this and that, and it’s hard to relax. But taking a day off I don’t feel that guilt. There’s nothing I should be doing because I have made the decision myself not to do anything. Sort of like “I am ill and I am going to rest. Try and stop me” If that makes sense. I’ve done no work today, and I’ve not felt guilty for it. Well, I almost feel guilty but I won’t allow it. Today was my day off. To rest, read, sleep, and not worry about everything. I feel relaxed and happy now. I needed today.
Though must say, feel better emotionally but don’t feel much better physically. I can’t take any more time off though, and really being ill is so boring might as well go into school. ^^
P.S: New Layout! Yes, it is bright green. : )
Namie Amuro, Fast Car – This PV is so classy. and her outfits are gorgeous.
Epik High- One (Acoustic ver.) – Cuz your wound turned into a sickness, your doors into walls,
and your image in the mirror has become the enemy, You’re hurt, right? watching this kind of makes me teary. I’ve so many terrible memories and emotions attached to the song, and the accoustic version just hits little harder.