Had my last exam on Tuesday. Physics. It wasn’t amazing. The paper was really difficult :x There was this one stupid question too which asked us to explain a line from a Katie Melua song. WTF physics, stop trying to be cool. Anyway, it was just really hard and sneaky. I felt like there was something I wasn’t quite getting and I lost a load of marks simply not being able to answer questions because I had no idea what they were asking. And by the end I was just writing whatever came to mind, rambling like a crazy idiot. Meh. I lost any will to do well after how horrible maths went. :| It was also kind of awkward afterwards because as I was heading towards the toilets my physics teacher was there outside the science faculty office, which is located near the toilets. So I lowered my eyes and snuck past, as she was thankfully occupied. But as I came out the toilets she was there talking to a couple of other boys in my year and I got cornered. I said hi and told her it didn’t go well. She turned to the other boys and they were talking about the exam and I did not want to hear what they put (as it was likely different from what I did and they were cleverer) so I just snuck away without saying anything. Probably a little rude but I didn’t care. I was hungry and the exam sucked and I just wanted to go home and eat cake. Which I did.
Today I had my Grade 6 violin exam. 4:26pm. My dad took me at about 3:15pm because the place was really far. I was not nervous until about two hours before when suddenly I just became absolutely petrified. My dad was really sweet and bought me some chocolate beforehand because I was nervous. ^_^ It was really hot today and being stuck in the car was not fun. It did remind me of last year when my dad took me to all the university open days. Even though going on university open days proved useless as I realised too late I couldn’t get into those universities, those long drives with my father and spending time with him was kind of nice, if not for being stuck in traffic in a hot car for hours on end. Similar situation today as it was again those kind of high temperatures. We had the windows down the whole way. We ended up arriving there early. I made my dad test me on my scales and then I rambled on about how nervous I was and past exams because I was super hyped up on anxiety. My dad was no use in calming me down.
My exam went terrible. I was too nervous. I felt slightly shaky and hot (sweaty), and my fingers weren’t doing what I wanted them to. I messed up on my pieces, really stupid little things I shouldn’t have done and then I got even more nervous and worked up from those mistakes. After playing my pieces the examiner gave me 5 minutes before moving on to scales, and it didn’t do anything to calm me. I got really shaky and I couldn’t think properly which meant everything else went wrong throughout the rest of the exam. I just couldn’t get myself to play properly because I felt so nervous and I kept dwelling on my mistakes. Basically I panicked. By the end of it I felt like crying. I was worried about forgetting my scales or not being able to tell what cadence it is- I did not prepare for the reality that nerves would be what fucked it all up.
Man, I feel so bad. This exam was so costly for my parents. And we had to travel so far to get there. And then I just messed it up. And I shouldn’t have because I practiced and I knew it. I should have done better. But I got nervous and I panicked. fml.
Afterwards I complained to my dad and made him buy me a mcflurry. We drive all the way home again and I had about five minutes to myself before I was out the house again. I ended up being stuck in the car again (and it was HOT gdi) going all the way to Manchester to take my sister to the station, and go grocery shopping afterwards. I only got home after 9:00pm and the majority of the day was spent stuck in the car, hot and tired and by the end feeling vaguely sick. 100 miles. I am so exhausted right now. Though I feel more sorry for my dad, who had to drive here there and everywhere.
Anyway. Lets end the post with optimism. I am actually pretty happy right now, the huge amount of chocolate I’ve eaten is probably to blame but life is pretty good right now. I no longer have to revise, and spend 40-60 minutes a day playing my violin. I turn 18 in 15 days which means I will finally be a legal adult (and catch up with my friends!). For my birthday I am going to Leeds and I shall go clubbing with my sister (My best friend was supposed to come too but she can’t ;__; ) who shall take me to all the good places. I will get at least tipsy for my birthday. I may end up totally wasted- and finally discovers what sort of drunk I am :D Still, I shall have alcohol. and it will be legal. And then I’M GOING TO JAPAN for 10 days. So yes. Although there is still that underlying worry and stress because don’t know how exams went, things are looking good right now.