I saw Deathly Hallows yesterday. This was one of my favourite scenes. I didn’t find the movie boring but I didn’t find it particularly interesting either. I agree with people who say this was a very dark film. There were some really moving bits, some funny bits to lighten the mood, and a bit of meh I’m hungry can I go home now? It was very, very pretty. I did find it more than a little weird how they were trekking through the woods looking clean, healthy and fashionable. Hermione’s hair was absolutely prefect the entire time and her clothes were gorgeous. umm….what? YOU’RE RUNNING FOR YOUR LIVES, you should not look so gorgeous doing so. That little thing bugged me a lot more than it should have. I haven’t read the books in years so I cannot compare. It was OK. Worth watching I’d say and I guess I will watch part 2 when it is released next year.
Welcome! Honest Lies is the personal site of a 26 year old graduate electrical engineer living in the UK. Covering every day life, books and various other randomness. Read more about me and the site here.
“I would stare at the grains of light suspended in that silent space, struggling to see into my own heart. What did I want? And what did others want from me? But I could never find the answers. Sometimes I would reach out and try to grasp the grains of light, but my fingers touched nothing.”
– Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
I will admit the only Murakami book I’ve read is kafka on the shore which was at times confusing and pretty wierd but yet after I finished it I realised I had enjoyed it all the same. It was quite profound in its own way. I meant to pick up more of his books after reading that one but for some reason Kafka is still the only one I’ve read. I’ve finally gone through and added almost every one of his books to my book depository wishlist now. I am determined that one day I will have read them all. One day.
average
Today I was in the library with my group. We have this presentation to work on so our class has been split into smaller groups. I am in a group with the single other girl in my class, and 3 other boys. So we were sitting in the library and suddenly this guy goes to me “so 90.” and I don’t get it at first but soon I realise they were talking about a piece of coursework we’d had to do recently. I had gotten a 91/100. Pretty good and yes I did feel proud, and relieved because I had been expecting to fuck it up. My tutor had even praised me about it. I felt good about it. Until today.
Turns out the boys know my mark. This is where I get flustered and embarrassed. They tease me calling me “genius.” and teasing me that I should do their work for them. We joke around- I say yes I’ll do their work on their presentation if they pay me (jokingly) and they agree (jokingly). They all seem a bit shocked at my mark and I don’t get it, not really, but OK, fine I’ll go along with their teasing because the aren’t being sinister. Inside though it was everything I didn’t want to hear. Fine, be impressed but please don’t treat me like I’m some kind of genius. I’m no better than you guys. I’ve spent years watching my friends get A’s, listening them to complain about getting a B in a test whilst sitting there with my U. Feeling proud of myself when I go from a U to a E to then see them gushing about how they got an A and feeling like a failure. They were clever. They could procrastinate and still get bloody A’s. I’ll never be that person. I am not clever. I failed my A levels and to get into university (at first.) I failed my music exams, one music exam I failed twice. Do not call me a genius because it hurts, even if you’re just teasing me. It reminds me of everything I am not and never will be and everything I want to be. I struggle, I don’t get things at first, I make stupid mistakes, I need to read the guidelines/question over and over before I know what I need to do. I don’t know how to study effectively, even after years of schooling nor do I know how to revise effectively for exams. I make mistakes, I repeat mistakes and maybe I will then succeed, maybe then I won’t. I’m terrible at exams, at remembering information and repeating it. I am not clever. Hell I’m not even that much of a hard worker.
I am going to start to really struggle next semester when things get tougher, hell I’m struggling right now with the technical reports we’ve got to do. And I am trying not to think about how difficult first year engineering will eventually be.
I’m never going to be intelligent and I’m still dealing with that. So don’t even tease me about this one fluke of a good coursework. Believe me when the exam results come out, and the marks for the lab reports come out you’ll see exactly how pathetically average I am.
There’s nowhere to go now
It’s that time of year again. It’s cold outside and it gets dark early, so that it feels like night time even when it’s only 5:00pm. The year is coming to it’s close- the end of semester assignments coming in, said assignments being set for a hand in for January 2011, January exam dates being announced. Christmas is being advertised for everywhere, the Christmas themed displays going up in shop windows. Christmas. When did it become November? November 20th. It’s not long to go now. And so another year will pass.
This time of the year is the worst. Homesickness always sets in around mid-November and lasts until the new year. The darkness and the miserable weather does nothing to help. I’m lonely and I’m sad. The smallest things are enough to trigger ridiculous over the top reactions: I am constantly on the verge of tears. I am nostalgic- my thoughts constantly going back to the past, to home.
I hate this time of year.
For a while I thought I was the dragon. I guess I can tell you that now. And, for a while, I thought I was the princess, cotton candy pink, sitting there in my room, in the tower of the castle, young and beautiful and in love and waiting for you with confidence but the princess looks into her mirror and only sees the princess, while I’m out here, slogging through the mud, breathing fire, and getting stabbed to death. Okay, so I’m the dragon. Big deal. You still get to be the hero.
– Richard Siken, litany in which certain things are crossed out
(highly reccomend you listen to Richard Siken read this poem here)