Welcome! Honest Lies is the personal site of a 26 year old graduate electrical engineer living in the UK. Covering every day life, books and various other randomness. Read more about me and the site here.

TONIGHT, SUCH A GOOD NIGHT

Semester 2 of university is beginning to wind down. It’s strange to think of how quickly this Semester is going by, how quickly the first year of university is. Labs on Tuesday morning are now finished and one part of my Engineering Solutions module is over (Engineering solutions basically being a “let’s work in groups to design and build a model solar powered car!” class which sounds a lot more fun and easy than it actually is). This means I hopefully won’t ever have to touch SolidWorks again, which is a good thing as that program is ridiculously complicated and difficult and I don’t really like the teachers for it. This also means no more 6am starts on Tuesday or Thursday, which is awesome in many ways. Maybe I will be able to feel less exhausted all the time on those days and thus I might be able to be less moody towards people on those days. Currently just have Monday afternoon lectures from 12:30 until 4pm, then a tutorial on Tuesday 11am, and practicals followed by maths on Thursdays. Between this all I have to spend hours in the library struggling with mathematics. Currently on Mathematics 3, which is the hardest unit there is. Hello, all these things I cannot do and caused me to fail my A levels. I am growing annoyed with maths and the way you have to teach yourself it all using a computer program that doesn’t teach you anything, and gives no leniency on answers you input. It feels very pointless and irritating doing maths right now. I also hate Mechanics and that shows in my generally iffy performance in anything mechanics related. I reassure myself that I am, thankfully, doing Electrical Engineering next year which means no more mechanics. I cannot wait.

I admit in all my classes I have been growing complacent, lazy. I am finally started to feel settled (‘in the routine’) and with that comes the danger of apathy. I’m trying to keep on top of things, even as part of me tells me just to give up. That part of me that belongs to the person I was and will no longer allow myself to be. It’s hard not to slip into old habits. Although I don’t think it is physically possible to stay fully alert during lectures, and I admire those who seem really into it. I typically stare out the window and let the information wash over me and only really pay attention when the teacher goes through examples. I wish lecture seats were more comfortable, but I can see why they aren’t.

I will admit I am also having one of these weeks where I just cannot bring myself to care about anything. Tests? whatever. Coursework? Whatever. I admit I really wanted to spend this weekend being bored doing nothing, although I have to go visit my sister as it was her birthday on Thursday. Meh. We’ll see how this weekend goes.

  • Listening To: Big Bang - HANDS UP
  • mood: Worried

“And no doubt Hera had a sweetheart somewhere who still loved her- who had not abandoned her and to whom she had expected to return. Perhaps she had not betrayed her own father to death. Perhaps she still thought the world was a place in which good things would happen and go on happening, in which a soul might be free of its own guilt and seek for something more than just the undoing of what could not be undone. “Hera,” she called, trying to keep her voice soft so that no one would be tempted to shut her up. “Hera.” There was no answer, but the whimpering stopped. “It won’t last, this. It won’t last forever.” Still there was no answer. Whatever Hera was thinking she was silent in her hood. Phaedra rode on, and did not know if she pitied her maid or envied her.”

– John Dickinson, The Cup of the World

I am really enjoying reading The Cup of the World. It is so wonderfully written, so thoughtful and well paced. The language of this book is almost hypnotic, in the way it pulls you into the world and keeps you there. John dickinson has created a rich and magnificent world with incredible, flawed and real characters. I find the main character Phaedra especially wonderful. At first I hated her- she was a spoilt and entitled girl but she grew as the book went on, and she turns into such a mature and strong woman. You cannot help but realise also that she is very young for everything that happens to her to happen. I read this on the train and I find myself completly immersed, the time of my journey flying by. I cannot wait to finish this and begin The Widow and the King (although I don’t own the last in this series, so perhaps that will have to wait…)

Tai Wan Mei

My sister came home over the weekend. She came home on Saturday. Well, me and my dad went and picked her up from the station. She was tired and ratty and not altogether in a good mood. She was in such a bad mood that it was actually kind of amusing. We got home and she had things to do so we didn’t get to spend time together until Sunday. Woke up very early yesterday to catch the last, and early, showing of Tangled at the cinema. A 10.50 in the morning showing. There were a lot of kids there. A lot. We were probably the only 18 year old and 22 year old there. Oh well. I’ve been wanting to see tangled for ages and it didn’t let down! It was cheesy, ridiculous, over the top and utterly brilliant. Loved it. It was very beautiful (the scene with the lanterns *_*) and quite hilarious in parts (Flynn rider in general was kinda amusing as a character). After the cinema we went shopping and I somehow ended up with nearly £30 worth of tops. I reassure myself that they are all part of the basic wardrobe- simple cotton t-shirts and long shirts for layering or just to wear on its own. OK, so I didn’t really need them all and I am feeling extremely guilty at how easy I am being with my money. More and more I realise that it is nothing new though. I keep vowing to stop buying and I never do D: I do however find that I give in far easier around my sister. She has a habit of complaining about “why I’m not buying anything” which makes me feel like a spoil sport. That is why I like shopping alone- there’s no one to tell me to buy things just because.

Anyway. It was fun. I like being round my sister and it was so much easier than all the awkward social interactions at university. Later on Sunday I went with my dad to drop my sister off at Manchester Airport station so she could get the train home. We dropped her off and went to park the car, then found ourselves running all the way from Terminal 1 through the above-ground tunnels to the station to catch her before she left. I hate those tunnels. They seem to go on and on and on forever, never changing, and I have found myself sprinting down them too often. I am so hopelessly unfit. I felt like death as I struggled to keep running and not slow down. My stomach hurt, my legs ached and I was gasping for breath… I felt a little embarrassed that my dad didn’t struggle at all. My sister took one look at me and the state I was in and laughed. Clearly running for the train every day does not count as proper exercise (though that too makes me want to die. have you seen all the steps at lime street? THERE ARE MANY.) But I got to pull funny faces and make heart signs at my sister as we watched each other through the window of the train, waiting for it to depart, then wave her goodbye as the train left the station.

Actually whilst I was out shopping and running around airports I was supposed to be revising for my tests today. They were tiny multiple choice tests worth 10% with all formulas given and a revision lecture on each beforehand but I knew, I knew they would be horrible. Indeed, I found myself quite ARGGH about the whole thing. I will admit to giving up by the time I got to my second test, fuzzing the last 3 questions so I could get the 16.34 train and get home in time for supper. Yeah, I just didn’t care anymore. I hope I did OK, just OK. (and that 16.34 train? ended up being delayed so I missed my second train, had to get a later one and only got home at 6:10pm. That is kamma for you, isn’t it?)

This week I have more boring university and then on the weekend I am seeing my sister again.

  • Listening To: Alisa Mizuki - TOO SHY SHY BOY!
  • mood: OK

Liar

Remember that social thing I really didn’t want to go to? Well, I got out of it. How? I lied. The guy asked me if I was still going and the words came easily. “Sorry, something came up.” Of course he had to ask why. Again, the lie slipped off my tongue just like I’d rehearsed in my head many times “I’m seeing my sister.” I had hoped I wouldn’t have to provide an excuse, that “I’m busy” would do. Alas, I had to provide some reason. Immediately I felt relieved, knowing I didn’t have to go, but also guilty and panicked. I don’t like lying. Sometimes, you have to lie. Sometimes- like this time- I wonder if it would have been best if I’d been honest. But then I may have hurt his feelings or pissed him off. I don’t want to do that. Thankfully come Monday, and even now no one has further questioned anything. Good.  Though I felt quite guilty and still do. I wonder too what would have happened if I went, although I know it made no difference that I was not there. I don’t have any friends in my class. I am still struggling with this whole being surrounded by strangers thing, even well into Semester 2 of university where I generally get on with the people in my class (though, still don’t really know the names of some of the people I talk to daily. Also awkward situation today- a guy sat down next to me in the library and said hello and I managed to mutter a hello back, but I have no idea who he was even if I think he is in my class? Thankfully he didn’t make further conversation. I’m not sure I could handle talking to someone when I don’t know who they are. D:) I feel nervous every day, trying to keep up when they talk to me and trying to think of the right thing to say, the best thing to say. Its not like they are horrible, I am just awkward. I don’t mind, although it makes me miss my sister and my best friend aka the people I can relax around. Also- the guys in my class talk about football. A lot. All the time. Constantly. Is this a guy thing or just because I go to university in Liverpool?

In other news I am still doing that no-poo thing. I can’t believe its only been two weeks since I stopped this shampoo thing. Sometimes I think about how great it would be to use shampoo, and other times I am all excited about this all over again. My hair is a mess, to put it bluntly. When I brush it there is this weird whitish scum that coats the brush. I think that it grease, though I don’t want to think about it too hard. It is that gross. Tomorrow I wash it, and it should be fine for a couple of days before it begins to to get greasier…and greasier…until it becomes as gross as it is now.  Though it never really becomes clean even when I wash it, not like shampoo made it. My hair feels thick and heavy all the time. My fringe especially is a problem, though I thankfully have the time on Monday to give my fringe a quick rinse even if I don’t have the time to properly wash my hair in the mornings (note: I wash my hair Wednesday and Saturday mornings usually). The boar bristle brush helps, but nothing too amazing. I find as long as I keep my fringe clean and tie my hair back I can just about get away with it. In just a week I use shampoo, then I go another month with WO. I am still using my Nuance Airy Hair mask on the ends of my hair every time I wash it (I love that stuff too much). I am still experimenting with essential oils. I tried chamomile tea+lavender oil+ylang ylang on Saturday and liked it. I think this week I am just sticking to WO followed by conditioning my ends.

Lastly- Super Junior M’s new song? Completely awesome. And the fact they have a song composed by Jay Chou on their mini album also helps to make me quite excited for its release.

  • Listening To: Super Junior M - Perfection
  • mood: tired

Tags

baking book quote books Budapest cats christmas copenhagen denmark dramas driving exams family feelings finances first year fish food foundation year fourth year friends goals health Japan japanese job stuff korea kpop malaysia monthly book roundup music no poo peak district pets randomness school scotland second year sister third year travel university university musings walking and hiking work yorkshire

Categories

Archives

Blogroll